Jillian and Some Condensed Matter
One time, on one of many dates with a now ex-boyfriend, I lost my wallet. I didn’t know it was gone until someone from a video store called my cell phone to let me know. We had to drive all the way back to the Valley - trust me, it was FAR - to retrieve it. Apparently some guy found it in the parking space we were in and turned it in to the nearest business. The guy left his number in case I wanted to call him. I did. He had a really nice voice and I was getting all excited (I know I already had a boyfriend, but the plan to dump him was already in place) until he said, “My girlfriend and I….”
Damn.
I gave him a grateful thanks and ended the call.
See? There are still some good people out there… even if they have sexy voices and are already taken.
*****
And now, we bring you: “Yes, I really said that!”
My mom and I used to go to this drive-thru dairy. We were regulars and a lot of the time the people helping us knew what we wanted before we did. I STILL wonder how they did that. Anyway, my mom had this thing about soda in a bottle vs. soda in a can. My mom, if she could help it, would always drink her soda from a bottle. She had read somewhere that Alzheimer patients were found with large deposits of Aluminum on their brains. Since her mom had died of Alzheimers, Aluminum in any form was the enemy. Needless to say, we used a lot of Saran Wrap in our house.
Too bad my mom didn’t know it would be Cancer that killed her, just think of all the recycling opportunities we missed out on because of her imposed Aluminum boycott. But Iets not get hung upon irony, lest we digress.
So we pull up to the dairy one day and my mom asks, “Do you have Diet Coke in a bottle?” The guy replies, “Yes ma’am, we sure do.” I, thinking I was insanely hilarious, piped up with, “Oh yeah? Maybe you should let him out!”
Ha ha ha ha.
My mom and I laughed so hard we peed ourselves, all this in front of the guy. He just looked at us like we were dumbasses.
I miss that about my mom, the lady never passed up a good joke, however lame it was. It was also nice that she genuinely thought I was funny. Moms are great.
This is proof that timing is everything. This isn’t the kind of joke you can just bust out anytime you feel like it. You want people laughing with you, not at you. Some of you might be asking [or not], “Well Jillian, when IS a good time for a joke of this caliber?” And to that, I can only respond: Let the moment guide you.
*****
THING OF THE DAY:
The following award was given to me by Dawn from Twisted Sister. I told her if she kept doing stuff like this I might think she liked me. *Huge grin*
Now, I would like to pass this on to Random Chick from Confessions of a Random Chick. Yes, I like her very much and she is one of my favorite reads. If she ever stopped blogging, I’d have to move on to crack and that’s not cool.
So Random Chick, congratulations and please please keep up the good work!
I honestly can’t afford another habit.
18 Responses for "Jillian and Some Condensed Matter"
I came over here from Dawn site Twisted Sister and I am REALLY glad I did.
Congrats on the award.
I loved the “yes I really did say that” segment. That was funny!!!
*so sorry to hear about your mother*
Meleah Rebeccah- Thanks for stopping by!! My mom has been gone for three years, I was just cracking wise at her expense. I think she’d be happy I’ve gotten to the point I can joke about it!
Is that crack as in the drug or crack as in what’s found on plumbers behinds?
BTW
I love your blog, but I hate the black background. It’s hard on my eyes. Ever think of lightening it up?
Mike- Definitely not the crack on the plumber’s behind although I confess to looking and often.
And I have been thinking about lightening it up. I think it hurts my eyes too, this coupled with how long I stare at the screen anyway is some kind of murder.
I’m so sorry you lost your mom, she sounds like she was a wonderfully funny and caring person.
My FIL died of cancer in ‘99 and it’s a devastating disease. So I commend you on remembering your mother for what she’d want to be remembered for…the good times spent together laughing and enjoying life.
Anyone that invokes memories of good times spent laughing and peeing at the same time? Those are the people that truly touch our lives and our hearts. My own mom sounds a lot like your mom… aluminum and all. I still have my mom and I will give her a call after I post this. Thanks for reminding people without reminding them.
Thanks Jillian.
Jillian–
Yes, there still are good people in the world. Trick is…finding them.
I’m glad this guy turned in your wallet.
Thanks for stopping in at my site.
Cute pic, is that your current????????
LOVED that post! It was so random and yet so poignant…my kinda stuff!
I’m sorry you lost your Mom to cancer. No one deserves that, ever. She sounds like she was a lovely person…just like you!
THANK YOU for the award too!! I should probably give you that one too! I’m addicted to YOUR blog. U R AWESOME!!
xoxoxoxo
The_Mrs- Thanks!!! There are a few people going through some stuff and this kinda reminded me that there is more than just sadness when death is involved. It took me a while to realize that, but I am glad I did and I hope they will as well.
Deborah- Yes, that’s the H (husband). LOL… he wasn’t the one I was referring to in the post though. And thank you! Keep sharing your thoughts!
Congratulations ..good pick by Dawn..I think I would have liked your Mom..I have those vracking up moments as well..and get the goofy looks ….:)))
Sorry about your Mom Jillian… I lost mine the same way and I know it’s hard.
Another great post as usual! There’s nothing better in this world than laughing with a person who GETS you :)))
Robert- Thank you! I love the goofy!
Dawn- Thanks Dawn! :-DD
ep, there are a few good people left in this world. Always nice to see a happy ending to a lost wallet story
Sorry about your Mom, she sounds like she was a fun person. Must be where you get it!
LOL! Jillian, I was laughing so hard when I read “Do you have Diet Coke in a bottle?” The guy replies, “Yes ma’am, we sure do.” I, thinking I was insanely hilarious, piped up with, “Oh yeah? Maybe you should let him out!” that I think my sides are gonna ache for a couple of days!
I think I’ll try that on someone here and if you don’t see anymore comments from me here, that means I got pummeled into the ground and it’ll be all your fault! LMAO!
Frank- Yes! And all my money was there, I didn’t even change my credit card numbers. Thanks about my mom, she’s been gone for a few years. We had fun!
Nick- LOL… remember, you can’t just use that joke anywhere!
I agree with your Mom about the aluminum and Alzheimer’s disease. Unfortunetly, I often choose Coca-cola in the can as opposed to the bottle because the bottled variety tastes different, not just from the canned variety but the taste can also vary from bottle to bottle. I swear to God, sometimes Coca-cola tastes like prune juice.
Regardless of all that, I’ve switched to Dr. Pepper whenever possible. That stuff is wonderful.
whatigotsofar- I drink my sodas regularly from the can. Sometimes the deals are too good to pass up! And yes, Dr. Pepper is great… not as great as rootbeer, but it’s up there.
You’re blog is fun to read. I think I’ll sign up! Funny about the man with the great voice. My friend has the Barry White thing going on. I never get tired of it.
Natural Woman- Thanks!
And voice like Barry White… that IS sexy! :-DD
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