Jillian and the Diabolical Aisle of Doom
How’s this for a title theme, eh? Part Harry Potter, part Oprah ( SHE can put HER name on everything, why can’t I?) Aren’t you glad February is only 28 err… 29 days long?
I like grocery shopping. It’s a great feeling to stroll aisles heavily laden with food, picking and choosing whatever the hell I want. Do I need this? Oh, I haven’t tried this before. OMG… I gotta buy this. Grocery shopping makes me happy and it makes me feel grown up. Yes, I am the captain of the cart. Me! I choose what we’re having for dinner and dammit, it’s whatever flavor ice cream I say it is. I can do that, because I’m the captain.
As I’m grabbing butter, I’m already planning what kind of cookies I want to bake. Or do I want cake? Mmmm, maybe I should try a pie. In my mind, I’m the world’s greatest chef. I can bake, broil, and grill like the best of them. Every decision I make can only lead me down a path to culinary perfection.
Everything moves smoothly… until I get to the cereal aisle.
The cereal aisle is nuts. It can take me up to 10 minutes to figure out what I want. Do I want “heart smart” Cheerios? Or is the store brand, “Crunch-O’s” alright? And what’s Mueselix? It sounds like a disease. I’m sorry, your mom has Mueselix, there’s nothing else we can do. And why does everything have something in it? I hate raisins and I’ve never liked bananas in my cereal. And is it stocked by brand? Does it matter? All I wanted was some corn flakes with a hint of honey and that crunchy stuff, not a lot to ask. There are WAY too many choices. And, there are too many choices within choices. Since when are there 8 kinds of Special K? And how many options do kids really need? From what I can tell, it’s all the same crap anyway.
I wasn’t alone, though.
There were others in the aisle alongside me, Veterans of the grocery store completing one last mission before heading home. We all stared dazedly at rows and rows of breakfasty goodness deciding what to get, some just trying to find what they usually buy. It was sad. In a zombie-like trance, we shuffled up and down the aisle bumping into each other, saying “Excuse me” with that fake polite smile. It was torture.
Was there no end to this maze of grain and sweet concoction?
I write to you not on the sidelines of battle, but from the comfort of my home. I made it out alive. Hope came in the form of a 2 for $4 special: one box with raisins and one without.
21 Responses for "Jillian and the Diabolical Aisle of Doom"
Hi Jillian from Jim & Em over at GO! Smell the flowers.
We truly enjoy your contributions and wanted to let you know we’ve added you to our flowers blogroll so congratulations!
You’re well on the way to becoming a ‘flower smeller’ so watch this space.
How about we post about your blog sometime, a post in your honour so our regulars can come over here and see what you’re up to?
Sound good?
GO! Smell the flowers!
-Well that sounds awesome! Thanks!
I like grocery stores. a) Because I like the quiet and b) Because there are some interesting people in there I like watching what people buy. I’m weird I guess some would call me a ‘creepy stalker’ but I’m into human behaviour.
I’m odd man (woman) out. I hate hate hate grocery shopping. But I also have three kids and a hubby, make that 4 kids, when I go to the grocery store. I am a list maker and stick to the list. I know the price of just about everything in the grocery store. So I try to get in and out as quick as possible. And since I have social anxiety disorder, I can’t go alone. Go figure..either way I’m screwed. LOL
You totally crack me up!
” I’m sorry, your mom has Mueselix, there’s nothing else we can do.”
LMAO :))
Allan- LOL… nothing wrong with that. I take a peek at people and what they are purchasing as well. Sometimes I can guess what they are having for dinner! “Creepy Stalker”?? Nah… I wouldn’t go that far.
Sassy- LOL… See? you can stick to the list. That’s good. I usually add one or five things that aren’t on there. In and out? Of the grocery store? I wish!
Dawn- LOL… thanks. If we were going on name alone, I wouldn’t touch that stuff.
If there is one thing in the grocery store that shouldn’t be there, it’s women! They block the aisles with their carts and meander mindlessly, and it isn’t just the cereal aisle LOL
I like to get in, get out. I know what I came for, and that’s it. I rarely ever have seen the cookie and cracker aisle, or the candy aisle.
Sometimes though, you have to watch the people. Last Thanksgiving, the store hid the marshmallows I needed for my yams, and I luckily found someone with marshmallows in their cart (which was blocking my way). I asked the woman where they were and with a blank stare she looked up at me and pointed off in the distance. I got them and got out of that store before I too became a zombie LOL
The grocery store is the bane of my existence. I’m always on such an unbelievably tight budget, trying to go organic with as much as possible, and it’s just frustrating. I end up walking the aisles, putting stuff back, swapping stuff out, etc. But I don’t have a problem with the cereal aisle at all
I’m trying something with your comments, since you asked about the email thing. I still have my google/blogger profile, so I am signing in with it today, and I’ll just link to my site manually.
That’s not a bad thing to do, that way you can get someone’s email with their comment if they’ve shared it, AND you have a link to their website. Not many commenters want to do that, but it’s not hard at all for me to do.
P.S. If you ever do try haloscan (one of the suggestions in my email), be aware that it will erase all your previous blogger comments. think if you uninstall haloscan and start using blogger’s comment system again, they show back up, though.)
Devilish Southern Belle
And can someone tell me why cereal is like $6.00 a box? Most of it is a bunch of wheat, grains, raisins and SUGAR! How expensive is it to make? Probably like $.15. The mark up is frickin’ high! I’m in the wrong business… I should invent my own cereal. Crappy-Os! 100% sugar!!! And it costs $20.00!
Glad to meet someone who is friendly, likes kids, and grocery shopping. Though I do find the latter a rather odd concept.
Hey, I forgot to mention that I LOVE the title of your posts. How are you going to keep that up all month??? I can’t wait to see…
Fwidman- Women shouldn’t be in the grocery store?
See? aren’t you glad there was one to help you when you needed it? The other shoppers I don’t mind so much, but I do hate when people block the aisle with their carts. NOT cool.
Devilish- I think we spend more than we have to. We have coupons, but sometimes we forget to use them and I never have a good idea of how much stuff costs. I keep saying I’m going to start bringing a mini-calculator with me to prevent being surprised. And I’ll read that email and get back to you on the comment thing. I might have more questions!
random- LOL… yeah food in general is getting more and more expensive. Have you seen the price of butter??? I feel like buying a cow and doing things my self. Geez.
Also, glad you like the title. I think I can do it for a month… it’s just something else for me to have fun with!!!
Jack- Thanks for stopping by! Liking grocery shopping isn’t odd. Hahaha, it’s one of those things that make me feel like a real grown up!
Look at the following you’re getting! Congrats, you deserve it, you write beautifully. I loved this article.
Sure, one helpful woman out of a gazillion pains LOL
The only thing worse than a woman grocery shopping is a woman in Walmart! LMAO
“Grocery shopping makes me happy and it makes me feel grown up.”
That’s exactly why I don’t like it.
Oh, and I’ll take Boddington’s.
Good post.
Lizzy- Thanks!
Frank- LOL. Yeah yeah..
Garrett- Yes, I’m glad you enjoy Boddingtons as well. One of the guys I used to work with turned me on to it.
I owe him.
I am definately the captain of our shopping trolley too. I plan in advance and keep a constant shopping list planning the next grocery expedition. My partner is merely the one who pushes the trolley for me.
Harmony- Yep, same here. I even have to tell him to put stuff back sometimes…lol.
The grocery store is a madhouse. So many children running around hopped up on sugary junk…
‘kay, I’m just jealous that my mother didn’t often let me eat that more-sugar-than-anything-else cereal when I was a kid.
Thanks for the comment!
I hear ya — I suppose I could use an extra buck or two
whatigotsofar- Ah ha! I consider myself a smartypants because I usually go at night. My mom let me have the sugary stuff, it was either that or a tantrum and I think I got her quite tired of those.
Andrew- Yeah, was just my two cents! I joined your neighborhood so I’ll be back!
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