Jillian Approved: Humor, News and Nonsense

I was eating some of those heart-shaped candies you get for Valentine’s Day, they’re harder than Adamantium but I like them. Anyway, I didn’t notice how interesting some of the messages on the hearts were until I was almost done with the bag.

At first, I wrote them off as stupid. But then I got to thinking, what if someone is trying to tell me something? What if some cosmic force was trying to communicate and the only way it could was through sweets? And how many of these confectionery “messages” did I miss by absentmindedly shoving them in my mouth? I got scared. What if, in some parallel universe, someone or thing was depending on the likes of me to somehow save the world?

My mind went from one scenario to another, trying to figure out if I should really pay this much attention to cryptic messages written on candy.

Then I thought, “What if these messages aren’t meant for me?” What if, in a factory somewhere, a worker nurses a broken heart and these messages are some sort of self therapy for them? Can you imagine that? You’re nursing wounds from a relationship gone bad, left all alone, and the last thing in your life you have control over are the phrases you inscribe on candy. You, in your haze of tears and depression use this avenue as a last ditch effort to make your feelings known. You hope against hope it gets to the right person and they make amends to your sorrow.

I found myself questioning it all. What did it mean? What role was I to play in this? Was I, at last, being given a purpose? Would this be the way in which I etch my name on History forever?

Of course not.

But some of the messages ARE… different:

I came up with: “IM ME , URA 10. GO FISH AND FAX ME… LOVE HER BEAR HUG”

I don’t know what it means, but IF someone WAS trying to tell me something I hope I figured it out.

Also, why would “FAX ME” be in a bag of love candy? Was faxing at one time a way to declare love? Does the word “fax” mean something else here?

Is “GO FISH” an inside joke for lovers? Do they play this game as part of foreplay? Did I miss the point and it’s actually another way to say oral sex?

I thought in this day and age “IM ME” could mean either “I’m me” or “Instant Message Me”. In the phrase I deciphered, I think it could work as both. Go ahead, try it.

“LOVE HER”. I thought this one could mean a lot of things. Maybe someone realizes it’s just not going to happen. He’ll always “LOVE HER”… and not me. It’s sad, really.

“URA 10″ is annoying because of the “URA”. Bleh. You can be romantic and still spell out the words.

“AND”. I can see how conjunctions are important when expressing love.

“BEAR HUG”. I don’t know about this one. Personally, I am not a fan of bear hugs. All the ones I’ve ever gotten were simply annoying gestures from annoying people, but if you like that kind of thing… I can dig it.

Skittles don’t give me this kind of trouble.

*****

THING OF THE DAY:

Has someone pissed you off? Go HERE to get sweet sweet revenge!