This Tastes Kinda Funny and I Can’t Feel My Legs
It’s not the quite the new month yet, but I thought I would go ahead and change up my titles anyway. Out with the old, in with the new! That’s what they say, right?
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Have you met these guys? I have.
4 People You Meet [and should avoid] While Wearing a Sports Jersey:
Friendly Freddy - This guy is hard to miss. He sees your jersey as a conversation piece and possible friendship starter. His usual approach is to say something about your team that’s common knowledge and draw you into a discussion about how so-and-so has gotten lazy and is no longer a force in the outfield. You might smile politely, reply, then try to move away but he won’t let you. No, he wants to tell you about the time him and his friends went to some game in some city and did all that stuff. He blathers on and on and finally, when you’ve had enough, you cut him off saying you’ve got somewhere to be. You actually do have somewhere to be: away from him. He tries not to look embarrassed as you quickly leave, cursing yourself for not deciding on a simple t-shirt.
Assuming Andy - If you’re a girlie, chances are you’ve run into this guy. This guy thinks because you’re a woman in a jersey, it must belong to your brother, boyfriend, or husband. Surely you can’t be a fan in your own right and know the history and stats to back it up. Like the “Friendly Freddy”, this guy will also strike up a conversation but not in a lame attempt at friendship. This guy wants to know if YOU know anything about the team or the player you’re reppin’. He might play dumb and ask what position the player on your jersey plays and if he did well last season. Once you’ve established that not only is the jersey yours, but that you’re also a legitimate fan, he loses interest and quickly ends the conversation. What? He didn’t want to hear your thoughts on why Defense should switch back to the 3-4 formation? Jerk.
Captain Oblivious - This person just might be a dumbass. Like the previous types, they are also quite chatty. They don’t necessarily want to be your friend or test your sports knowledge, they just want to know what team your jersey supports. You’d think having the logo [and team name] on the front, sides, and back of the jersey might be a clue. Alas, not for these chumps, they have to ask you. Forget paying attention, they don’t mind looking like complete tools. Captain Oblivious: When conspicuous is not enough.
Belligerent Bill - This guy is my least favorite. “Belligerent Bills” are the chattiest of the bunch. You might be thinking: “Well aren’t they just like ‘Friendly Freddy’?” No! While “Belligerent Bills” like to talk, their intent is never a friendly one. These guys hate the team you’re supporting and use a random casual encounter to tell you why their team is vastly superior to yours. They are assholes. Seriously. They have no qualms about coming up to a perfect stranger and listing the faults of that person’s team. Yeah, you guys need a stronger O-line. What’s up with your Defense? They forget how to play? Your team might need some work, but you’ll notice their team can do no wrong. Did they lose the game last night? It wasn’t because the other team was better, it was because the refs made fucked up calls. Did their Quarterback throw an interception that was ran back for a touchdown? According to them, that should have been flagged. Excuses, Excuses. When you point out the flaws in their team, they fall back on the last Super Bowl win like a drowning man grabs a lifesaver. Get out of this conversation as quickly as you can. They aren’t interested in just discussing the game, they want to bash your team and have you stand there and take it. Don’t do it!
So yeah, if possible, avoid these guys.
And yes, they are most certainly out there.
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THING OF THE DAY:
I posted this on a few MySpace pages during the Football season. If you’ve ever cared about the OUTCOME of ANYTHING EVER, I urge you to watch this. It’s only 60 seconds.
(Note: contains strong language)
20 Responses for "This Tastes Kinda Funny and I Can’t Feel My Legs"
The last guy is a serious douchebag.
Regardless, I carry a tazer with me and I will not hesitate to use it.
If you’re flying overhead, you’ll recognize the row I’m sitting in because everybody around me is slumped in their seats, having been repeatedly tazered.
I bring three spare tazer batteries and go through two of them, FYI.
Belligerent Bill works in my office.
I hate that guy.
Mike- LOL. Ooo, I need one of those at Dodger games. Ugh. Worst…fans… ever.
Meleah Rebeccah- Yeah, he’s a dick. There’s no reasoning with his type.
I’ve met some of those people. They aren’t fun and I’m glad someone else was able to see that they do exist.
The video is funny…I think some of those guys were at the superbowl party I went to.
I don’t think I’ve ever worn a sports jersey. The closest I’ve gotten is wearing a shirt from whatever school my son is attending & I only meet the “My son goes there too!” types, LOL.
Phew… for a second there I thought you met my brother-in-law… but actually his name is Belligerent Bob.
Cousins maybe?
I do have a jersey.
But it is baseball
Vlamir Guerrero and no, can’t tell you his statts
Your post is very funny.
I like the video.
Oh God I know two likw the last one…but ti is kinda fun sicing them on each other then stand back…:))
Sports? What’s that… and why would you need a Jersey for it?
You left off Clueless Clive, of which I am one.
Clueless Clive doesn’t even recognise what you are wearing, or that it’s representing anything other than a fashion choice, and even then he’s not so moved that he’ll say anything.
So really, there’s no need to avoid Clueless Clive because he’s already avoiding the Jersey wearer.
That is a good post I have a male friend that is just like #2.Only when he is right, he will talk, if not he takes a walk… JERK!
Single
I never wear a jersey, nor do guys ever try to start conversations about sports with me LOL Good thing too, as I wear only baseball hats and they support the Pittsburgh Pirates. You know them, that lousy team that hasn’t had a winning season in thirteen years. What’s to talk about? LOL
Lots to talk about there LOL
Sometimes though, I sneak out wearing Shelly’s Angels hat
Okay, I am NOT into football. I will occasionally watch the Superbowl if I kinda of like the teams. But this was a very enlightening post. I know a lot of these dumb guys…and I don’t even wear a jersey. You did a very good job of summing them up. I assume you’ve had lots of personal experience…especially with the #3 guy. JERKS! As always, LOVED your post!
Angel Jr.- LOL… were they? My last encounter was in the bookstore!
Angelika- Hahaha, that can be bad, too!
Dawn- Perhaps. I think everyone knows at least one of these guys! Avoid! Avoid! Avoid!
Shelly- A fellow Angels fan?? NICE! I’m a big Mike Napoli and Rob Quinlan!
Robert- LOL. I agree!
Angry- Hahaha. See, you’re right, if Clueless Clive doesn’t bother anyone, then no need to avoid!
Single in the City- Argh! That’s annoying! It’s OK for a guy to be wrong, lol, just be man about it, dammit! :-DD
Frank- Anyone that wears an Angels hat can’t be all bad!
Random Chick- LOL… most of these guys are tools. And Thanks!!!
You hit these right on the head! Great definitions. Added you to my blog roll.
That video is great.
Natural Woman - Thanks! I added you as well. I’m having blogger issues, but my blogroll should be fixed shortly.
Anonymous- Haha, yeah I think it captures fans [of most sports] fairly accurately!
I’m sure you noticed that every single one of these guys is a stuper (short for an irritatingly stupid person)!
I’m afraid I’ve got a relative who’s an Assuming Andy.
Keli- LOL… Assuming Andy sucks. I’ve met him, several times!
As a fantasy football player/owner, I can sympathize with all the guys in that video.
Especially considering I had Brian Westbrook on my team this past season. I definitely lost my semi-final game because of his “unselfish” behavior in a game against the Cowboys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkrRTYbVmpU
TOPolk- Oooo, I watched the video…ouch. I played in three leagues last season and came out in 3rd place in one. I was *supposed* to have won 1st place, but that game the Pats played against the Jets where Brady had like 140 passing yrds. KILLED me. The ONE week I need Brady to do really well he does that shit.
But whatever, it was my first year playing AND I won a trophy, so I should stop bitching. Still.
Also, I drafted Matt Leinart. I’m STILL mad at him.
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