Does This Meal Come With Ecstasy?
I cannot tell you how much I want to kick Blogger in the nuts.
So I won’t.
Instead, I’ll move on to my post.
I went to the doctor a few days ago for a physical and a drug test. That sounds kinda nasty, huh? Like I was naughty and it finally caught up to me. The truth is, I’m starting a new job in the next couple of weeks and these kinds of things are requirements now. I can understand that though, no one wants to hire a crackhead. Except maybe me. I would pay them just enough for their next fix so they would HAVE to come back and work for the next one. Think about that, I could really be on to something.
I stopped by in the afternoon, thank goodness. I hate sitting in waiting rooms occupied by a lot of people because I start wondering why everyone else is there. Is someone pregnant? Did one of them finally make an appointment for that itch in their nether region? Did one of them accidentally have drunken sex with that guy they exchanged foul-smelling sloppy kisses with? I try to guess all these things from the way they are sitting. The ones that have something to be nervous about are always easy to pick out.
The door had not closed completely and the nurse was already demanding to know why I was there. Not to mention, there were still two people at the counter! Surely her question was directed elsewhere. I didn’t respond. Then she said, “Hello, Miss? Can I help you?” Ahh, she was talking to me. I blinked a few times and stammered my way to an answer. The moment of truth, where I reveal the reason for my medical visit, had to be prolonged. How could she possibly think I’d want to conduct my personal business in front of two strangers? True, she didn’t know I was only there for what basically amounted to having my blood pressure taken and dispensing warm urine into a cup.
Still.
I could have been there for an HIV test, maybe I needed the “morning after” pill, or maybe I did have an itch in the my nether regions that wouldn’t go away. There was no way for her to know. Why do people do this? I understand she was ready to go to lunch. I understand how exhausted she must have been from flirting with the male nurse all day (honestly: they were disgusting. You could cut the “fuck me” vibes with a chainsaw). And I get how irritating it is when people show up without their insurance card, or expect you to personally help them fill out their forms. But don’t make me conduct what is, in my opinion, rather private matters in front of someone I didn’t authorize to be there. It’s embarrassing.
It’s the same in restaurants when I’m ordering take-out, not to the same extent of course. I hate when the cashier tries to take my order while someone is still collecting their things. I feel like I’m horning in on their time, what if they have a last minute question? Would I get cut off mid-milkshake, a crucial part of my fast-food repast? What about those fries I want super-sized?
Seriously, I don’t mind waiting my turn.
*****
THING OF THE DAY:
From the cartoon series, “Home Movies” (1999-2004):
- COACH McGUIRK: I can’t sleep, I have insomnia.
- MELISSA ROBBINS: What’s that?
- COACH McGUIRK: You don’t know what insomnia is?
- MELISSA ROBBINS: No.
- COACH McGUIRK: It’s when you can’t sleep.
- MELISSA ROBBINS: Did you try lying on your bed and, you know, having your eyes closed and just relaxing?
- COACH McGUIRK: Oh, that’s genius Melissa. What a great idea. Let me write that down. So you’re saying what I have to do to fall asleep, is go to sleep. Right? Is that what you’re saying, Melissa? Good. ‘Cause it’s brilliant! You should write a book! You should give seminars, all right, you’ll make millions of dollars! Attention all insomniacs, all you have to do to fall asleep!
26 Responses for "Does This Meal Come With Ecstasy?"
Oh, I know what you mean! I HATE THAT!! It’s not like you’re at the DMV renewing your driver’s license or applying for a Costco card…that’s how the receptionists at some doctor’s offices treat you sometimes!
I also hate whenever I’m at the grocery store and I’m stuffing my wallet with my change while the old lady next to me is practically pushing me out of the way to get her turn to have her items scanned. I’m like, “Geez, will ya let me get my shit together before you push me outta the way?!”
By the way…I got tagged today. So, I tagged you! Sorry if you aren’t into that kinda thing…but you’re IT!
Man, oh man, that really sucks
I don’t like taking care of such personal business when someone else is close by either! None of their business why I am there!
Good luck with the new job though
Random Chick- Omg! I hate that, too! Or how about when people stand RIGHT behind you while you’re trying to enter your PIN number for a Debit purchase? lol… Can I get some space?
Frank- Seriously, you’d think people would be more aware of these things. And at the Dr.’s office no less. What if I had been there for something serious? Ugh. And thanks for the luck! If only I could win the lotto and just not work at all!
I would hate that too.
I am not sure why she would do that, while some nurses just plain refuse to give one information about a relative at a hospital.
bizarre.
I just would like to say that I have totally enbarressed receptionist also
they called me out like they did you and my reply was,I am sorry ma’am were you talking to me?
Yes,
I was aware of the HIPPA laws, Did you get that Memo?
And the people just busted out laughing. Her face turned red and I was happy for the rest of the day!
she never called me out again!
Get her if you ever go back in there!
Single
I would have made up a fake reason…something totally off the wall…
How rude!
Shelly- Eh, people are weird. lol!
Single In The City- LOL… I never think of anything snappy to say when I actually need to say it! But right on for you!
Meleah Rebeccah- LOL… I can never think of antyhing clever on the spot to use in those situations!
I know how you feel about waiting your turn.I won’t even talk to the person behind the counter until I have their attention…don’t be fiddling with nothing or still talking to nobody. Can I have your attention please and don’t talk loud if it’s personal.
Being an insomniac, I’ve tried that method. It doesn’t work.
And don’t hire crackheads, they steal. I do.
I agree with Meleah, I’d have pulled some fake reason out of the bag and made it sound really weird! That’ll learn her. She had no right whatsoever to do that!
Ok, so you made me chuckle!
Good luck with your new job. I remember getting a great job two years ago. They loved me so much and were so loyal…they fired me to give my hours to someone else.
Now, aint that a hoot!
stuff like that makes me grit my teeth…sorry to ruin your day by being here…:))))
Next time, put your hand to your ear and scream, “WHAT!? I CAN’T HEAR YOU! YAH, A BIGASS FIRECRACKER WENT OFF RIGHT. NEXT. TO. MY. EAR!”
The same thing happened to me yesterday… took my daughter to the hospital and stood in a line up with a dozen other mothers breathing down my neck… seriously a little privacy please?
LOL @ “I would pay them just enough for their next fix so they would HAVE to come back and work for the next one.”
NOW there’s a plan worth checking into to
Natural Woman- Ohh, I’m with you. It happens everywhere: the bank, post office, video store. Argh! I want my time, dammit!
WhatIGotSoFar- LOL. Also, my husband pointed out that crackheads steal, I mean to address that! I like to try and cover all my bases. Oh well.
Nick- Haha, you’re right. I guess after a while, they just don’t realize what they’re doing.
Deborah- Wow, they fired you?? That sucks! I got fired on my day off over the phone no less! The reason: My energy was bad. There’s a blog post I need to write!
Robert- Ruin my day? No way! I have some snappy comebacks up my sleeve now, provided I remember to use them!
The_Mrs- Hahaha.
Dawn- I’m glad it’s not just me. We all deserve our space and time at the counter!
There’s a nurse at the clinic in my university, and she does all the family planning stuff along with other things. She as much told my friend that young people (like her) go through so many partners. I don’t see her anymore.
Doctors suck. Good thing I’m rarely if ever sick. Oh, and I can take a hit and I heal quickly, cuz I get injured a lot (my stupidity).
Did I mention how much doctors suck?
Twisted Teenager- Wow, what she said was SO rude! Geez. Talk about generalizing!
Mike- Ahh, you’re one of those kind of guys. Lucky! I only go [or I try to anwyay] for my regular check-ups and such. I rarely get sick enough to where I’m concerned enough to go. And I’ve never had the FLU! Either way, I wanna conduct business with some semblance of privacy!
hi jillian =) i had fun reading your blog today!
Why do people do this? I understand she was ready to go to lunch. I understand how exhausted she must have been from flirting with the male nurse all day (honestly: they were disgusting. You could cut the “fuck me” vibes with a chainsaw).
this is really funny! lol love the way you write. And I know, there are really irritating people sometimes who take time doing absolutely useless things when there’s a lot of people waiting for them. btw good luck with your new job!
-Wendy-- Hey Wendy! Thanks for dropping by and the compliment! I think at the Dr.’s office moreso than anywhere else, one needs privacy! :-DD
There are many things dying a slow painful death in front of our eyes and customer service is definitely one of them.
I also liked the thing of the day. I never heard of that cartoon series but it sounds like something I would like.
Mr. Shife- “Home Movies” is a good series. If you ever get to watch it, you’ll see the best character by far is the coach! And yes, I used to work in customer service and from what I can remember, I was always nice!
If meals came with ecstasy, I think I’d give up my health kick and start eating out more.
And while I see where you’re coming from on the whole privacy issue, I actually sort of like it. Probably because I’m a compulsive liar in situation where the hilarity/personal satisfaction level far exceeds the benefits of giving the plain boring truth.
For instance, when urine analysis woman says “What are you here for?”, I reply “Well it burns when I pee and I have a fetish for sharing needles with strangers, so I sort of want to see what kind of critters I can pass to the little lady.”
In any other scenario, I’d never get to say something like.
Oh, and good luck with the job (if that’s what you desire).
Ha! The few times I’ve seen Home Movies was when I couldn’t sleep!
Garrett- LOL… yeah I’d be too embarrassed to say something like that. And thanks for the luck!
Dead Rooster- “Home Movies” is awesome!
Leave a comment