Freedom and Acceptance
*The following is a rant long overdue. It’s devoid of humor and my usual lightheartedness, but for various reasons it needs to be said.*
I just want to be myself.
Whatever happened to accepting people just the way they are?
My mom was once described as the kind of person who made people feel instantly comfortable. Sure, she had her views on things, but she didn’t judge people. To this day, I feel I will never meet another soul like her (my husband being an obvious exception). It was her who allowed me to be myself, to voice my opinions, to offer my input, and to make my own decisions. While some parents chose to order for their kids in a restaurant, my mom always asked me what I wanted. Instead of just planning an outing, she always took my suggestions under advisement. She let me know early on what I had to say was important, and that I was worth listening to.
We had a very close relationship. I told her everything… and I mean everything. I always knew I could go to her with a problem even if she didn’t agree with what I was doing. Lies were not necessary because oftentimes she knew the truth before I spoke it.
I like to think people like this still exist. In fact, I like to think I am one of these people.
Sure, I’m opinionated on many issues and I have certain views I’ll probably never abandon. For one, I doubt I’ll ever stop believing in God or that socks with sandals are a fashion no-no (unless you’re 65 or older of course). But I’m not close-minded and one doesn’t have to agree with me to be my friend. One doesn’t have to live a traditional lifestyle for me to respect and accept you. In essence, I encourage everyone to be themselves. Don’t change for me or anyone else.
Minor jokes aside, I welcome people as they are and hope they do the same for me. I can be selfish, impatient, annoying, wasteful, insensitive, tactless, and downright gloomy. But at the same time I am friendly, talkative, approachable, helpful, and spontaneous. There are times I feel like yelling, “Oh My God! He has a gun!” in a crowded movie theater or laughing out loud at a funeral. I flick off drivers, I don’t always use my turn signal, and I really think we might win the lottery one day.
My point is: While I’m not perfect, I like who I am. I like who my friends are, and I like people knowing they can be themselves (their “real” selves) around me. I’m not in the business of changing people or making them feel unwelcome or judged or that they need to hide stuff from me. And it saddens and angers me I have to distance myself from certain individuals because I don’t fit into their mold, and I don’t practice their rigid beliefs. It’s all so frustrating and tiring.
*****
THING OF THE DAY:
Are there people in your life that allow you to be yourself?
35 Responses for "Freedom and Acceptance"
Sounds good
we all like you for the person you are Jillian, a good soul. Just be yourself and there are people out there who think just like you.
Cheers Mate…
Amen!
I could talk a lot on this, but I’ll keep it concise.
People (parents, girlfriends, employers, etc.) have been trying to make me fit some idealized version of me that suits them my whole life. This made me miserable.
It wasn’t until I could stop trying to make everybody else happy that I could be happy myself. Anybody that can’t accept you for who you are is just dead weight that’s holding you down. You gotta cut these people loose.
I hate people. Even the ones who are like me, I wish I could live on a big island with loads of friendly animals, and only have the Internet to socialisze. Now and again I’d invite a few friends over to stay so we could have BBQs or dinner parties, but I’d put them in a guesthouse at the opposite end of the island where I couldn’t here them, and I’d make sure the TV or Stereo were volume limited so they could never annoy me.
Alan- Heh, thanks!! I’m shakin off the hate!
Arv- Awesome and thanks!
.45- I agree… people need to learn to accept people “as is”. I certainly think more people would be happier.
Carl- you would invite friends over only to ignore them…? An interesting plan, indeed.
Not to ignore them, but when friends come over you only want to hang out with them for a few hours and then you want your own space again, and if I lived on an island they wouldn’t be just able to hop in a car and go home, ergo, a guesthouse at the other side where I can have my peace and quiet
People are so egocentric. Everyone else has to be just how they want them to be, like they’re trying to order custom Nikes or something. “These are nice, but I want the swoosh in chartreuse to match my purse.”
Well, TS. This is the factory outlet. What we have is on the floor. Take it or leave it.
Carl- LOL… OK.
.45- Well, TS. This is the factory outlet. What we have is on the floor. Take it or leave it.
LOL… I love it. This is exactly what I mean. Don’t go to the sale rack expecting Armani.
Sounds like my parents… my old man once told me I was opinionated.. no.. I was FUCKING opinionated. That was cool.
The rigid people you speak of are the type that lead to the crusades, to witch hunts, to gay bashings, and all the rest.
These people find other like minded people and whip them up into a frothy frenzy of hate that makes bad things happen.
I’m glad I’m not one of these people.
Nice post Jillian, ah freedom and acceptance is a great concept indeed. I am lucky to have some great friends now, I use to have some bloody awful ones.
My mum sounds like she is a lot like your mum and she is a big part of the reason I am training to be a counsellor.
The counselling training is making me more opinionated and able to get rid of the bad influences in my life but at the same time I remain open minded and will listen to anyone
“Lies were not necessary because oftentimes she knew the truth before I spoke it.”
I have the same relationship with my daughter Jillian… unfortunately I didn’t have that with my mother. But that’s okay because it taught me to be a better parent.
People will always judge and piss you off. Fact of life. Some people can only feel good about themselves by acting this way. They will waste your time and energy and bring you down.
I love your personality. You are highly contagious and infectious!!!
Don’t change and don’t let the assholes of this world get to you… There’s more of them than there are of you
My mother has always encouraged me to be myself, no matter what, I should just oooze Monique-ness all over the place and to hell with those who don’t like it.
It took a long time for me to get to the point where I was willing to accept that it was ok to be me. But I got there, and if someone doesn’t like it, they can go straight to hell.
Of course, with that said, I meet people everyday who try their best to mold me into what they think a friend should be. Why even bother if I’m not what they are looking for?
You and I could soooo be friends outside of this blog-a-sphere.
Well, I believe you are just as honest and true to your cause. I am so proud that you have found yourself and held true to who you are. Thanks for being a faithful commentor on my blog. It’s friends like you that make blogging so worthwhile.
My parents are exactly the opposite of what your mom is, especially my dad. He was such an authoritarian when we were growing up. In fact, he still is, but not as intense as before. We could not talk to him openly about any topic. Sad isn’t it?
Mike- I like opinionated people who aren’t afraid to speak their mind. Sometimes I forget and I look to people like you as a reminder I should speak the fuck up! You’re awesome.
Claire- That’s fantastic, I really think it takes a special person to be a good listener and not judge too harshly.
Dawn- It’s so great you are so close to your daughter. I want to be close to my kids like I was to my mom. I never want them to feel like they can’t trust me or talk to me. And thanks!
Monique- LOL @ “ooze Monique-ness”. I think I am still working to get where you are, but I’ll arrive. And I agree… you really do remind me of one of my closest friends…lol… she always says if someone doesn’t like it they can go to hell. Haha… of course it’s not so funny when she’s talkin to me.
Jasmine- I like what you have to say!
Monaco- That is sad :-(, but maybe when it’s your turn to do the Dad thing, it will be different!
Well since the entire theme of my blog is pointing and laughing at others, I feel very ashamed. Well, not really but you have some very good points.
I am not saying its not hard though!
From a counselling point of view you have to accept that anyone can walk through that door and say stuff that you might not agree with, but they are still human and need someone to listen to.
From a non counselling point of view I can be much meanner
Jillian, I know exactly where you’re coming from - you are feeling disgusted with stupers (short, as you know, for egregiously stupid persons)! I wasted too much time being irritated by them. Now I realize that when they upset me, it’s something with me that’s out of whack. When I’m feeling happy, they can’t touch me. So draw your cloak of happiness around you tightly enough to keep them out. The inane exist to help us truly appreciate the thinking, breathing, wonderful people in our lives. And yes, socks with sandals or flip flops (my forty something year old doctor wears them) are a major fashion no-no.
“Dont go changin’ to try and please me….I love you just the way you are”
Billy Joel.
(and I mean it.)
great post. people will always stand in judgment of you no matter what.
i had a friend who couldn’t put up with the playful me..she had a lot of rules to be her friend. guess what…we are still cordial, but we are no longer “friends”
i tend to be on the quiet side, so much my sisternlaw suggested i go see a therapist to talk about my problems. i’m thinking i’m fine, you’re my problem.
i’m me and people just have to deal with it. the very few people that know me well enough are not frightened by my silence, but they know that’s just a part of who i am. i won’t change that.
so my family and close friends allow me to be me and accept me. everyone else can go somewhere.
who’s bothering you, we’ll get ‘em!
I try not to cuss at all… But hey I have had to say many time FUCK’UM!!
I was the one that always tried to please people. Not anymore I am me! Take me or leave me!!
My mom,sister and I are tight as thieves and I love that closeness.. My dad is the one that ROCKS!! He always tell me don’t worry if people don’t like or accept you, be yourself then when you are where they are trying to get, tell them to Kiss Your Arse!!
So my quote for today is.. If they don’t except you— That is there Little red wagon, let them pull it!
Single
Jillian, you rock. I will always be grateful to the Blogosphere gods for allowing me to “get to know” people like you.
My personal mantra? If people are trying to change you, they’re not worth your time.
Christine- LOL… no worries! I checked out your blog and it’s hilarious. I couldn’t read more because I was on my way to bed! But I bookmarked it!
And of course, thanks for stopping by!
Claire- LOL… everyone needs to be a little mean sometimes!
Keli- As usual, you are so right. I’m glad I could vent here and know a few others have experience similar.
Meleah Rebeccah- Thank you so much! I love that song, too!
Natural Woman- LOL… how does being on the quiet side mean you need therapy? The things people say. The person on my mind and who this is in part directed at, is too self-righteous to acknowledge that maybe they are being a little too unreasonable. Eventually we are going to discuss it, but I need to come to terms with a few things on my end before I even attempt something like that.
Mrs. R- Thanks! Believe it or not, I feel much better!
**Thanks to everyone who offered their thoughts. You’re all proof the Blogosphere can be an awesome place.**
Wait a minute. I came here looking for crime. What’s with all this “acceptance” malarchy?
Whoa! Awesome post!
The ONLY person in my life who has accepted me just as I am, “warts” and all is my Hubby. And you know what? He helped me see that I CAN ACCEPT MYSELF TOO!
Fuck all those other assholes who don’t accept you the way you are. They are not worth the dirt on your shoes. They are too busy with their own facade to notice the true beauty that lies within you. Too bad for them.
Be happy, be healthy, and ALWAYS be yourself!
xoxoxoxo
I too could talk a lot on this..being yourself is almost like cleansing the soul..not easy to do but worth it..
Jillian, I really feel you on this one. For as long as I’ve been living in Canada, I haven’t really fit into a ‘group’ per se. Sure I have close friends but they’re all scattered over various different groups of people. For the most part this is because various people in those different groups don’t accept me for who I am… and I’ve come to accept it. It sucks that I don’t have that ‘group’ of girls that I can call ‘my girls’ but I guess that’s just how it is. I still have ‘my girls’, they just don’t all happen to run in the same circle. Sometimes, it’s a good thing.
I haven’t known you very long, but I certainly accept you for who you are. You’re a strong individual, someone with conviction in their actions and beliefs - and I can’t argue with that. Besides, you’re also open-minded… how could I go wrong?
.45- HAHAHA, I knew that was YOU!
Random- Awww, see?? I’m all “emotional” now. :-O
Robert- I agree! And thanks.
Fragileheart- Thank you!!! I’ll be one of “ya girls” in CA!
You liking you is the most important part
People who change for others are rarely ever happy doing so.If others do not like you the way you are, that’s their problem, not yours.
Oh, and no matter how damned old they are, sandals with socks is not right! LOL
Jillian - Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful person! I really hope that my own kids can grow up knowing that I will love and accept them no matter what.. and that they can tell me anything and that that won’t change how I feel about them. I’m doing my best, I only hope that it’s good enough.
I can tell you are that kind of person as well. You strike me as a live and let live sort of person and that’s something that is all too rare these days … this is why I like you, Jillian. You get to know a person and don’t snap to judge… so many people do that anymore, and that’s a sad shame. There are a lot of good hearted people out in the world and a lot of them I feel, get overlooked because people prejudge.
Anyway, sorry for going on like that. I loved this post!
See you later on.. and have a great Friday.
Frank- Thanks and socks with sandals is a no-no and you know it!!!
The_Mrs- Thank you so much.
Your kids will appreciate you letting them be themselves when they run into people not-so accepting.
You’re Awesome!
Single- LOL… I just noticed we were commenting at the same time and I missed you!!!!
But, it’s so awesome to be close to your family! It really is. I wish I was closer to mine but, you know, sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way.
LOL @ the red wagon quote. That’s cute and I’m stealing it!
Well said! We all need someone in our lives that loves us unconditionally, does not judge us and makes us feel okay to be ourselves. My own mother can be extremely opinionated and stubborn, but I was definately given the freedom to be who I was also. My partner does not give opinions of what I do. Just supports me regardless. Other people are possibly not so accepting, but my solution to them is take them with a grain of salt. Let them be who they want to be and not let them affect my choices at all!
“In essence, I encourage everyone to be themselves. Don’t change for me or anyone else.”
I find this hard to do as I constantly see myself based on how others view me as. There are times when I do not want to make a fool out of myself. It also times like these that I find it difficult to be myself.
This is well written article. I sure hope I can think the same way as you do.
Harmony- That’s awesome. I really do want people to be themselves around me and to let me be myself as well. Why can’t everyone be like that? Why is this so hard? argh! But good for you!!
3Point8- Cool, I’m glad you got something for this! I’m still learning to let go and just be me. It’s not something that comes easy to everyone, but it is something I think we should all strive for!
Good luck to you!
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