What Would You Do If Darkseid Stole Your Car?
The H was asked this question by one of his friends and failed to have an answer ready. I wouldn’t want anyone reading this to suffer the same fate, so I took the liberty of researching some answers for you.
Why, you ask?
Because you never know.
Now, first it is important to know a little about the culprit:
NAME: Darkseid
OCCUPATION: Extraterrestrial Supervillian and Ruler of Apokolips
LIKES: Power, control, and attempting to reshape the universe into his own image
DISLIKES: Free will, losing, and Superman
POWERS & ABILITIES: The Omega Effect, strength, durability, etc. (Let’s just say none of us could take him)
Copyright DC Comics
Here are some things you can do if your car is stolen by this nefarious character:
Call the cops: Yes, you can call the cops on supervillians. Just because Darkseid is pretty damn powerful and could probably kill us all doesn’t mean he is above the law. True, he is not a citizen of Earth and wants to control its inhabitants, but we have a Justice system well experienced in dealing with criminals. Use it.
Contact him: If you dislike having law enforcement involved in your business, I suggest contacting Darkseid directly. Oh sure, he’ll deny it at first but you know he did it. Maybe you guys can strike up some kind of arrangement. He wants to rule the universe and is always on the lookout for soldiers of the cause, surely you guys can work something out. How much does your car mean to you? Are you willing to work to get it back? I mean it sucks because it was, after all, your car. But such is the nature of this beast.
All this of course, hinges on whether or not you or someone you know has his number. Someone like Darkseid, whose activities are questionable at best, might prefer the luxury of an unlisted number. There are numerous ways to track someone down however, so you might find what you are looking for if you work hard enough. I do not recommend just showing up at his place; a) people who come by without calling are annoying, and b) those beams he shoots from his eyes are harmful to your health. It’s best to approach him from afar.
Retaliate: OK, so he stole your car and you’ve decided to get back at him. While I cannot wholeheartedly champion this idea, I understand where you might be coming from. Not only does car theft suck, it sucks even more when a supervillian has committed the act. I mean, what can you really do? He’s Darkseid.
You can try pranking him back by stealing his car. Now this of course, is if he owns a vehicle. And this can only be pulled off if he parks on the street. Otherwise you will have to deal with secure parking and guards… why draw the attention to yourself? If you are somehow caught while trying to pull this off, do not name names, and do your best to avoid death. I can assure you: Darkseid will try to kill you.
Another prank would be to lie and say you have unraveled the mysteries of the Anti-Life Equation. This is serious business as Darkseid has spent a considerable amount of time trying to do just that. The Anti-Life Equation would give him complete control over the thoughts and emotions of all living beings in the universe. You don’t have to be hell-bent on evil to understand what a coup something like this would be. If you decide to go this route, you are taking a huge chance. Darkseid doesn’t like getting played, and frankly, you might screw it up for the rest of us.
These are just a couple of ideas, you know, a base to start from.
NOTHING: Let’s think about this. Darkseid, THE Darkseid stole your car. How many people can say something like that? Sure, you needed the transportation to get to and fro, but Darkseid for whatever reason showed up and decided he wanted your Prius (oddly enough, he’s eco-friendly) for himself. He just gave you a lifetime of storytelling. And you know that friend who always tries to trump your stories? Well now you have a story that can’t be beat! So next time you are at a party and your friend tries to one-up you, pull out your ace-in the-hole and impress everyone!
So there you have it, I hope this has prepared you somewhat.
No need to thank me, I did it because I care.
*****
THING OF THE DAY:
I had this on my cellphone for a while.
27 Responses for "What Would You Do If Darkseid Stole Your Car?"
I guess I would be walking. LOL.
If none of us can take him, do the police at least stand a chance?
Yup. I going with NOTHING.
Gotta have something to tell your grandchildren… lol
NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL!!! HE HAVE THE DAMN THING..
again you ass is crazy
Single!
You know, I don’t really care about my hoopty. But I would be pissed.
I don’t care WHO he is.
I would at least TP his yard or something. Find his # & put it on telemarketing lists. Whatever. General harassment…
Boy, am I glad that I read your blog every day! Now I know what options I have if Darkseid stole my car. If this did happen, I think I would try my luck and say I figured out the Anti-Life Equation. Since he hasn’t figured it out, he can’t control my thoughts so how would he know that I’m bluffing! I’m a pretty good poker player so I think I’d be able to get my car back, and perhaps a little something more…like maybe his Omega Effect or something.
Would I get a cameo in the next movie or would I just have to settle for talking about it on the news?
I could take him. I can stop most any comic book supervillian. And for a small fee, I can tell you how.
file claim with insurance = get new car!
LOVING THE SIENFELD! YES!!
xxoo
I could take him. Not like whatigots take him, I’m just that frigging powerful.
Monique- You know how in the movies when the monsters attack a city and all the cops do is shoot at it and it doesn’t work, but they keep doing it? I think that might be what would happen in this case. LOL.
Dawn- I agree, that story would be awesome!
Single In the City- Haha! I think I might need help…
Angelika- LOL. I find the TPing of Darkseid’s yard VERY funny.
Random Chick- See, I would do that, too.
Angel, Jr.- Well, I think you’d deserve one, but that’s up to the producers.
WhatIGotSoFar- Pfft. A Small fee? Whatever happened to just helping your fellow man?
Meleah Rebeccah- How mad am I that I didn’t think of that? LOL, very!
I know… I LOVE that scene, especially the second part where George kinda shrugs in answer to the song.
Mike- You know, I believe that. The post should have been: “What Would You Do If Mike Stole Your Car?”
I’ve got a family to feed, you know.
And thanks for the award. I didn’t notice that last post. Weird…
if it was a Prius nothing ..my pickup there would be war…:))))
Since I am covered by GEICO I would hope that damn lizard with the British accent could talk some sense into Darkseid. The British accent seems to work on people so maybe that will be my only hope.
WhatIGotSoFar- Oh yeah, supporting a family… like that’s an excuse!
And you’re welcome. I enjoy reading you as evidenced by my commenting 
See how it helps to scroll down…..?
Robert- It’s good to ’see’ you. LOL… so taking your pick-up means war, eh?
Mr. Shife- LOL… as fate would have it, British accents are one of Darkseid’s hidden weaknesses. Count yourself lucky, my friend!
Well, I am certainly happy that you cleared that up! LOL
Frank- Haha, like I said, “You never know.”
Hey, I’m just passing on some possible useful information.
Jillian, I’d say he’s welcome to my car. The amount of trouble my car gives me, I’ll be glad to have him take it off my hands … LOL!
And besides how many people can say Darkseid stole his car?
The darkseid can have my car, I hope he can drive a stick or he ain’t going no where! I have my car because it’s old and paid for and nobody wants it but me. I make sure I park it next to a nicer car, which is all of them, just in case a thief even thinks about stealing it.
check out youmail.com for more cell phone messages.
Nick Phillips- See… wouldn’t that make a great story?
Natural Woman- LOL. I used to do the “park next to something nicer” trick. Worked every time!
I like your ace-in-the-hole. Very noble of you to help us all out (and the H) with this one.
lol I think I would definitely either
a) run away
b) grab my camera and snap some cool shots
c) ask him to take me to his lair…
hehehe
I don’t drive anymore, but I think I know now who stole my trim with the steel spikes, twice. Maybe he was working up to the whole car. Luckily, I totalled it before he had a chance. Take that, Darkseid!
Keli- Yeah, you just never know these days…
Fragileheart- Ohhh I like “a” and “b”. Those pictures would get you loads of cash!
.45- Ooo. You might be the first one of us to get one over on him.
I’m surprised and saddened that no one has said that they would ask the Justice League for help. If I’m living in a world where Darkseid has time to steal cars, I’m sure that means the JLA is in the same universe.
Maybe I could get Wonder Woman to give me a ride in her invisible jet until they got my wheels back.
TOPolk- I was going to use the JLA, but I thought it would be to easy. Bravo to you for mentioning them!
Uh, if Darkseid stole my car, I think the very fact that someone like Darkseid existed in our world would be a way bigger problem then a simple car missing.
But if he did… I say steal his Mother Box and just teleport wherever you want. Definitely gets way better gas mileage.
Andrew- This would be a world in which the existence of Darkseid is an everyday occurrence. People would be like, “Who is that?” and other people would answer, “Him? That’s just Darkseid.”
Not that I long for such a world or anything. I like the Mother Box idea, provided one could get close enough to make off with it.
The stuff listed here are just some ideas… I’m here to help!
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