Why Some Things Are Worth It: How Being Frugal Can Backfire
*Warning - This post might contain Too Much Information (TMI). Read at your own risk.*
The price of stuff is going up.
We recently went grocery shopping and a pound of butter was almost $6! Can you believe that? Why is butter so expensive? We almost had to put it on lay-away. Pretty soon we’ll have to purchase it on a stick-by-stick basis and I don’t think stores even do that. So to save money, we have come to the obvious and very logical conclusion to cut-back spending on certain items. I guess my cranberry juice doesn’t have to be OceanSpray and I suppose I can drink Dr. Fizz instead of Dr. Pepper.
Even though cutting back is one solution to the high cost of living, there are still some things I believe you should pay good money for.
Toilet paper is definitely one of those things.
If you are reading this and thought you could save money by purchasing the 1-ply stuff, shame on you. What the hell were you thinking? Wiping with 1-ply is like a consensual ass-rape. I mean if you enjoy that kind of thing, by all means keep on wiping truckin’.
But don’t worry, I too have experienced the rough ass-rapeage that comes with 1-ply. I thought if I were going to save money, tissue paper was as good a place to start as any.
Oh, to go back in time and warn myself.
The day I purchased this atrocity is etched in my memory forever. I remember we had Chinese food for dinner (a crucial part of the story) and then watched some stuff on the DVR. Things were going well until the last commercial break and then it hit me.
The Chinese food wanted out, and not in the nice “grab a book” kind of way. So what did I do? I carefully and quickly made my way to the bathroom. Success! Lets just say, in this story, the Browns made it (although barely) to the Super Bowl. After 15 minutes I felt secure enough to vacate the premises and as usual no one in our household thought to put up a fresh roll. Damn!
If you think I got up and got the roll myself, you’re disgusting. I mean really, who knows what may or may not fall out? I imagine it’s hard to get crap out of your carpet, let alone the smell. Gross. I called for the H to hand me one of the newly purchased rolls and I was back in business.
That is, until I actually wiped. OUCH. I’ve felt some pain in my life, but there is nothing quite like wiping with sandpaper. I don’t recommend this to anyone. To say it was unpleasant wouldn’t do the experience justice, no, it was more like: IT FUCKING HURT! But I had to finish.
So I continued.
Aside from the discomfort, you know what else really sucks about 1-ply? Since it’s not as thick as 2-ply, your finger can potentially poke through mid-wipe. I mean, mine did. So now my ass was throbbing AND there was shit on my finger. Nice. Oh don’t act like this has never happened to you… it has, right? Please say “yes”.
Anyways, after using almost the whole roll and washing my hands a million times (it takes a lot of hot water and soap to combat that smell) I felt like someone owed me a Gold Medal. Shouldn’t I have gotten something for all that trouble?
So yeah, some stuff is worth paying a little more for. Toilet paper is definitely one of those things.
Above photo by Orin Optiglot
*****
THING OF THE DAY:
52 Responses for "Why Some Things Are Worth It: How Being Frugal Can Backfire"
Jillian you are too much!!! The Browns made it to the Super Bowl, that’s a riot! I always enjoy your post and don’t forget newspaper is everywhere, you mean to tell me that you are rich enough to afford toilet paper. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Jillian, your ass is like I have said before Two Kinds of Crazy!! I laughed my ass off reading this, my parents think something is wrong with me!!
I really enjoyed this post! No one-ply over here! Thank you for warning!
shhhh! don’t be praising up 2 ply to much they will up the price even more…:)))
LOL
it is funny reading your post (not only because it is funny) because today we decided to buy two carnations and a mad magazine vs buying cooking oil.
Mmmm…
I also bought one more dollar expansive toilet paper, it was emergency and it had to be done
Jillian you have me cracking up once again! I’ll be sure to stay away from the one ply! LOL
Ha! What a funny story! I definitely feel your pain though. I have been buying two-ply paper forever and would never do otherwise. You can still save a little money though. I buy the store brand two-ply double rolls. Saves money and more importantly, saves your ass!
Great post!
lol Jillian you’re hilarious! Ok, I have some “TMI” to share with you related to this… for those of you who don’t want to know: stop reading! Anyway, you see Filipinos like to wash after a trip similar as yours. They use a little jug (we use a large plastic measuring cup), and wash our asses with soap and water and THEN wipe dry with toilet paper. You see this saves on the amount of toilet paper you end up using and there’s no chance of getting any poo on your hands. Of course, you don’t have to start doing this… just thought… since you’re sharing, I may as well share. ;P
Hi Jill
As always, I LOVE what you do with the written word and you get every one of my senses tingling.
Thank you for reminding me that I need to buy TP. I buy the Charmin Mega Roll and I just went to their website to see if I could download it from there (after all they DO have a place for downloads) but no…couldn’t do it.
Natural Woman- LOL. I now take purchasing toilet paper very seriously!
Single In the City- Way to go! 1-ply freakin sucks! Never again for me. I don’t care if I have to go without something else.
Robert- LOL… if 2-ply starts costing as much as butter… I am in trouble!
Shelly- See, the dollar extra is going to save you from mass discomfort. And right on for buying a “Mad” magazine. I haven’t read one of those in years, I like those as much as I liked those “Highlights” magazines. And that’s a lot.
Dawn- See, heed my warning!!!
Tish- Thanks for dropping by! It’s good to know someone else has experienced this. I agree the store brand 2-ply is definitely doable and I know my ass thanks me.
And LOL @ your profile. Nice. Let me know where I can come “visit” you!
Looks like I was commenting the same time as everyone else!
Fragileheart- Hey, I am a big fan of TMI. Actually the jug idea sounds a lot cleaner albeit more time consuming. I shall think on this!
Marilyn- !!!!! Good to see you back in the blogoshphere. I just dropped by last night, but you hadn’t updated in a while
I always feel weird about sending people emails asking why they haven’t written because I feel like I’m pressuring them to do so and that’s not my intent at all.
Anyways, thanks so much! And once again, good to see you!
Your post was very very funny! However, I must disagree in a sense. I have no idea what the hell females do when they are wiping, nor do I want to know. One-ply works just fine for guys, and it does not hurt like sandpaper. It’s all in your minds!
I buy the cheap stuff and I guess the girls really hate it because the rolls sure seem to last a lot longer! There’s money saved right there! LOL
Y’all must be a thrill in a public restroom, trying to suffer through the one-ply tissue they use LMAO
I laughed so hard I almost shot beer out of my nose.
NO kidding!
Shit in the carpet…. ROFL… browns to the super bowl….LMAO…. I actually snorted and then my husband read it, he laughed so hard I thought he was gonna have a stroke!
rofl.. The Browns, omg… that is so wrong.
Sadly, I have had the 1-ply experience and ever since it has been completely banned from my home. If it ever makes another appearance here, whoever brings it will die a very slow and painful death.
On another note, we just heard at work that bread will be about 9 dollars a loaf in 6-9 months, so eat up!
1 ply is good. I use my finger to get out the rest!!! haha……
That is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. So true though.
Hey, times are rough sometimes and I can understand your pain. For a while when things weren’t too hot, that newspaper I write for doubled as TP on the side. Hey, as they say, “shit happens.”
And I’m gonna need you to leave Oliva Munn alone. She’s adorable.
What, you guys get toilet paper? Darn, you lucky bunch you .. LOL!
That was one hilarious posts Jillian. My sides are still aching from the all the laughing I did!
Only one word to describe this - LOL! (ok technically 3 words but what the heck..)
a pound of butter is $6!? you should have bought a cow instead, it’s cheaper. LOL.
your toilet paper mishap happend to me also. I had to wash my hands three times, plus a splash of alcohol to make sure it’s really clean. he he.
Frank- All in my mind? What the? No way, it was very real. If you can do 1-ply, then I commend you! To be honest, I usually try to “go” at home as much as possible. I only do public restrooms if I absolutely cannot hold it.
The_Mrs- Shit in the carpet is awful. It was either “Browns at the Super Bowl” or “dropping friends off at the pool”. LOL… I am glad you enjoyed this!
Monique- …whoever brings it will die a very slow and painful death. - AMEN!
Trench- LMAO… now that’s just nasty.
Alan- Your comment is proof I speak the truth!
TOPolk- Wow, you used actualy newspaper?? I can’t even imagine…
Now now, I think Ms. Munn is very HOTT. But c’mon, you know that was funny! McHammer? HAHAHA. My husband practically makes me shut up whenever when Layla Kaleigh is on TV. Seriously, if he had the chance, I think he just might leave me for her. And you know, I couldn’t really blame him. She’s no Gina Carano, but she is SUPER hot!
Nick- Thanks Nick. LOL, I felt people needed to be warned!
foxtwo- Thanks for dropping by! And thanks for the compliment. I hope I saved you your own bad experience.
Monaco- I know, right? Butter is effin ridiculous. I wouldn’t even know what to do with a cow, I find them weird and unnerving. And, the alcohol is a nice touch!
LMAO… totally agree with you on the need to buy better ones. I always take care to pick the best when it comes to toilet paper after my first experience with the budget ones.
Ever tried 2 x 2ply??? LOL…
At least you didn’t get the two-ply and split the “plies”. Another thing people shouldn’t skimp on is condoms. I mean, not me, but people that actually use them.
I hate going to the grocery store, speaking of ass-rape. I’m always like, “40 bucks for Smirnoff and cherry lube??” Sometime I don’t have enough food stamps and they make me bag groceries.
I take it you’re not a bidet sort of person.
And I just paid 8.39 for a gallon of orange juice. What is the world coming to?
Arv- 2 x 2ply?? Sounds like heaven!
.45- LOL… no condoms, cherry lube, and vodka? Some people (I won’t say who) might call that fun.
WhatIGotSoFar- Do you know how time consuming that would be after every “Brown’s party”? And you learn to “clean up after yourself” as a kid. I daresay I do a fine job of it! Although a bidet would be nice.
Are you kidding about the O.J.?? That’s ridiculous.
Dood, AWESOME.
You must have written that for me.
You KNOW how much I love poo humour.
Awesome.
My friend used to steal the cheap one ply toilet paper from our high school. If you’re gonna steal it, at least go for the fancy stuff!
Been there. Done that. Bought the T-shirt! LOL!
You know what’s EVEN WORSE than the fact that shit’s on your finger/s?? When it’s stuck under your nails!! A mere WASHING just doesn’t do the trick! You have to pull out the nail brush (right, like I even OWN a nail brush?!) and perform major surgery just to get it REMOVED!
You’re hilarious!
Oh honey, I feel your pain. No pun intended.
Oh My God *laughing out loud in the middle of my office* (this post is sooo funny it is TOTALLY worth getting caught (again) and or *FIRED* for ‘blogging’ on company time).
I will never look at butter without thinking ‘lay away’…and SAGE ADVICE on what NOT to cut back on.
And just one more thing, As an AVID - T.P. user and double ply enthusiast…I feel your pain. I think my office uses the paper you are referring to!!
(Ive since learned to pack my own baby wipes).
LOL Jill that was freaking disgusting! But then a wholo bunch of people have already voiced that opinion and I am sure as you were writing this down you knew it is so no point re-iterating the obvious!!
BTW you could have tried showering ur ass down…dont ask me how i know this, but next time when facing a problem of this roughage…try showering
A funny post though for sure!
Oh man! I’m like one of the last to arrive and read such a GREAT post! I’ve been busy with the kiddies…
When I arrived, although late, I was pleasantly surprised to see you’ve been busy too!!!
OMG!!! Girl, you are funnier than me trying to sneak into the refridgerator at night while tripping over those My Pony thingies, and falling on my ass!! I laughed so hard when I read this I literally peed my pants! Really. After you have kids, when you laugh too hard you DO pee your pants. So thank you for my wet undies!!!
Miss you!!!
xoxoxo
BTW, I soooo totally agree with you on the 1-ply toilet paper. It is definitey worth it to pay more for the quilted 3-ply!!!!
Mike- Now that means A LOT coming from you! Thanks so much!!
berryvox- I could not agree more! Whatever happened to quality?
Kimba The White Lioness- OMG… under the nail is gross! It takes forever to get that shit (haha) out of there. You are so right!
Mimzie- LOL. I have learned my lesson.
Meleah Rebeccah- Hahaha, thanks! And booo @ your office using that awful paper. Don’t they know it hurts?
John F.- Showering? After a crap? What is it with these time consuming solutions?! And I think I can maybe guess how you know of such things.
Random- Haha… those My Little Pony things are cue, but deadly!
And I don’t care what I have to put back next time, I will never again buy that 1-ply crap!
I will never look at one-ply the same again. This tip is so right-on, that I think you should be awarded the good housekeeping seal of approval for it. I tried one-ply once and only once.
“Some people (I won’t say who)”
These people should be scolded in public, then secretly applauded.
Also, I now know what the butter was for.
Keli- I saw we throw eggs at manufacturers of 1-ply everywhere! Don’t they know that stuff is dangerous?
.45- LOL. If you think the butter was for delicious homemade cookies, then you sir, are one hell of a psychic.
Nah you cant
Shit, you’re right. That was waay TMI. I didn’t even know there’s such a thing as 1-ply toilet paper. I’m thinking, if you spot anyone at the supermarket buying 1-ply toilet paper? Don’t shake their hands.
John F.- OK, you got me. And the more I think about it…lol… the less I want to know!
Lis- Hey, I gave a warning! And maybe you’re right about that handshake thing. Yikes.
That was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.
Sly Hoax- Thanks a lot!!
LMFAO!
My mom accidentally bought that extra strong Charmin toilet paper instead of the extra soft. It might as well have been the cheap kind. It was sooooooo rough.
And of course she put it in the “guest” bathroom instead of the bathroom she normally uses.
LOL! Wiping with 1-ply is as bad as wiping with newspaper. Why bother getting a 1-ply if you have newspaper lying around in the house.
OUCH!!!
Angelika- Haha, that’s just wrong!
3point8- With newspaper, you’re just asking for a visit to the ER!
Glad you liked the profile!
You can visit me at:
http://chattiekat.com
http://blogginggal.com
http://www.blogsweluv.com
Yes, I’m a blogging machine! hehe.
Tish- Thanks for the links! I shall indeed drop by!
On the topic of smart spending/too much information, I feel the same way about condoms. With the average price of a child these days, it’s just a good investment to go with Trojan - the brand that doesn’t break.
Garrett- You know, that is SO true. Picking the wrong toilet paper is just annoying, but picking the wrong condoms is life-changing.
Now that I know women sometimes wipe with panties, I may never tear them off with my teeth again. “may”
.45- Hahaha @ “may”. See, now I’m worried about you…
I had something else to say … then I saw one of your tags was ass rape! Now I just can’t stop laughing!!
Leave a comment