Male Enhancement: The Long and Short Of It All
So here’s the thing: I have no problem with men taking male enhancement drugs. If the package needs a little “extra”, then by all means help it along. I will not begrudge a guy attempting to “better” himself, in fact, I would go so far as to applaud him for realizing there is a problem and taking an appropriate avenue to rectify it. To be honest, I have less respect for the guy who recognizes his predicament and chooses to ignore it, than I do for the guy who tackles things “head on”.
One such drug that claims to enlarge a certain male appendage is Extenze. Due to my late nights spent online with the TV on in the background, I have had the “pleasure” of listening to their God-awful infomercials. The first thing I noticed about these ads was how they danced around what the product actually does. Can you no longer say “penis” on TV? Has that become a dirty word whereupon its very utterance, some Nun appears brandishing a bar of soap to wash out a wayward mouth? If I didn’t know any better, I would almost think Extenze did something NOT obviously implied by its name.
Some dialogue from the infomercial:
Male: Honey, I’ve been taking Extenze.
Porn Actress: Oh, what is that?
Male: It’s a male enhancement.
Porn Actress: Oh you mean like, makes your muscles larger?
Male: No you dumbass, it makes my COCK bigger!
OK, so he didn’t say that last bit, but he should have. Are they fucking kidding me though? Just say what the pills do and move on.
This is my rewrite:
Actress (who isn’t classically trained, but has done a few other commercials): I wish your dick was larger.
Male: Perhaps I should start taking Extenze.
Actress: Yeah, you need to do SOMETHING.
Now isn’t that much better? There is no reason the ads for this product should be longer than 2 minutes. And notice how I have dropped all pretense, anyone hearing this commercial knows EXACTLY what Extenze does.
The company could also save money by hiring an announcer and losing the actor and actress altogether:
Announcer: Extenze: Super-size yo shit!
Wait… can you say “shit” on regular TV? If not, a small rewrite would give us:
Announcer: Penis too small? Try Extenze! We make you larger than the competition!”
—–
Male enhancement is enough of a touchy subject as it is, but if you are going to talk about it… then talk about it.
*****
THING OF THE DAY:
48 Responses for "Male Enhancement: The Long and Short Of It All"
So are you saying you wouldn’t like to hear this:
Lengthening of your bell-rope size is not a dream!
You are alone because of your baby-maker size.
use Extenze!
(erm WTF! was that video?)
Claire- “Lengthening of your bell-rope size”??? Hahaha, I have NEVER heard it called that. But rest assured, I’ll use it loudly and often.
I wish I could take credit for it, but its just one of many spam emails I get as they think crpitt is male or am I? mwahahaha
Breathe a new life into your love organ!
Unleash you inner trouser snake!
Did you vote in my poll?
Did you vote in my poll?
erm this was an actually a question not a spam email quote, heh
Claire- Haha I JUST voted! :-O
And to answer your earlier question, that video is the opening to a show called “Awesometown” that never got picked up by a network. It’s sad, because Andy Sandberg and the other guys are effin hilarious.
Hmmm I wonder what you picked? pervert! heh.
It was a really funny and rather random video, I liked it
LMAO @ Super-size yo shit!
Thanks for the laugh!
Reading your post made me read and comments made me read my spam.
And I can why I need as a female to enlarge my size.
And take viagra and things like that.
But no, no special spam tittles for me.
I am so glad we all get these spam emails, it means if anyone ever mentions in conversation anything to do with male enhancement that everyone just assumes they recently emptied my spam filter, must make it a lot easier for guys with inadequate tackle to get help. Luckily I’m not one of them, I find a good bit of leg and heels does the trick quite nicely without any kind of medication.
-OR-
You could find a woman who didn’t have a giant, used up, stretched disgusting pork hole?
‘Just sayin.
the actors in the Enzite commercial are waaaaaay to enthusiastic about the whole thing.
I think these infomercials are just bad…….I could do a better job selling that crap (ooops, sorry, wrong side)!
wtf? Awesometown? lol Those boys need a good seeing to.
re: the penis - I dunno… I just don’t think those ads belong on TV. Too many kids watch TV, and next thing you’ll have some kid doped up on ecstacy, trying to extend his penis. It just can’t end well… but that’s just my opinion. LOL
I like your way much better!! LOL!
Mike, Mike, Mike!! you are so upfront! LOL!!
Single
Claire- Hahaha, I picked the CORRECT answer of course! I LOVE that video and have watched it far too many times.
Dawn- I’m telling you, if they let me take over marketing, I could move more than a few shipments.
Shelly- Haha, I think infomercials that sell male enhancement products are another kind of Spam.
Carl- HAHAHA. “Inadequate tackle”< ----- LOL. I like that.
Oh course you’re not one of those guys. A good bit of leg in heels? AND you’re easy to please! :-O
Mike- Yeah, cuz it’s HER fault the guy doesn’t quite “measure” up. Also, I’m on your side, that’s what this post is all about: Spreading the word in the simplistic way possible.
Meleah Rebeccah- Haha, I actually like those commercials, they make fun of themselves. But Extenze takes itself WAY too seriously. And they barely touch on what their product DOES. Crazy.
Mamaflo- Hey, I believe you. I’m sure the first step would be dropping all the ambiguous terminology, right?
Fragileheart- That would have been a great show. You can find the pilot floating around on YouTube.
If, say, a 12 year old ingested this stuff I think that would be pretty ugly. But when he got older, he would at least have a story to tell.
Single- See, thank you! TO THE POINT!
And hahaha, I can always count on Mike to be brutally honest and NEVER agree with me!
I’m sick of ALL the drug commercials on TV. Enough already!
Oh and we dont get drug commercials over here apart from headache, bloating and wind medications.
No erectile ones for the Brits
“Super-size yo shit!” is exactly what it should say…screw the FCC. LOL!!
I am laughing at what Claire said…:))))))
Yes indeed your script is much better. Very funny. Speaking of “Awesome Town” that is where Mrs. Shife goes every time I super size my shit.
Mimzie- I don’t mind the drug commercials, even the male enhancement ones… just get to the point! A commercial really only needs the following: 1) name of the product; 2) what the product does; 3)How and where can a potential customer buy it.
Claire- Haha… Does this mean Brit guys are packin?? Why didn’t I know about this?…
Random- The FCC sucks!
Robert- Yeah, apparently I’ve been missing out…
Mr. Shife- LOL. They don’t let just anyone into to Awesometown, ya know. So you and “yo shit” must be pretty damn Awesome…
Heh, I am not saying they don’t need it, they just don’t advertise it
Heck I am a nun, WTF would I know
Extenze might currently be the worst commercial in rotation.
This brought back memories of “Varsity blues” …
penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina
Honesty in advertising? What a concept! LOL
Claire- And just like that… my hopes are dashed. :-O
Jeannette- I agree, I should learn to turn the TV off…
bdp- Haha, you know I LOVE that movie. I have to say it was the first film to ever give me a hangover just from watching. Damn they drank a lot! Also, that sounds like my kind of chant!
And of course you’re awesome for dropping by!
Frank- Haha, we were commenting at the same time!!! Why does that always happen to me??
You know, it’s not so much honesty I’m calling for, just a getting to the point.
…{thinking}
…{still thinking]
I think they should advertise with visual aids, like they do with diet pills (or speed, as I like to buy it).
Before: Boo!
After: Hooray!!
ROFL! I like this one Jillian:
Announcer: Penis too small? Try Extenze! We make you larger than the competition!”
It’s not a dirty word, even with our kid, we don’t use cute words for body parts. It is what it is.
oh lol! so true, dammit… supposedly more swearing, violence and sex in the movies, tv shows, cartoons, etc. but the infomercials are pure as anything else :p
LMFAO! True dat!
I get so tired of hearing “It makes a certain part of a guy larger.”
Dumbasses. Don’t they watch “The View”? You can say Penis on TV!
I just wonder how many men try to take it too far…
Maybe my new post when its finished will be the new Extenze!
Arv- Hahaha… let me know where your thoughts land you!
.45- I would watch THAT commercial…
Natural- I never got why some parents do that…lol. That’s awesome, though. I don’t think I knew what a penis was until 9th grade health class. Of course I have since made up for lost time…
Ammaro- Hahaha, I know right? At least the ads are selling something legitimate, and not using “sex” to sell something completely unrelated.
Angelika- LMAO! According to “The View” you can also make liberal use of the word “VAGINA”… which they do!
Claire- You might on to something… I for one can’t wait. I enjoy being introduced to dirty words!
I think your ad would be award worthy. I’m all for dropping all pretense and telling it like it is. As it is, in order to appear in commercials, particularly those that emphasize drugs of any kind or nature, actors are required to be complete dumbasses.
Keli- This is sad, but true.
Getting to the point? ROFLMAO
Frank- I’m serious… just tell me what it is and what it does already!
Ha! My husband and I are sitting here laughing at this! You are SO FUNNY!
I agree wholeheartedly with you - just cut through the chase and SAY it already!
Kimba- Woo Hoo! I don’t know if you know this, but I like when people agree with me!
I am glad you liked the post! I have done an update post now with even more rude words! hehe
Does it really work? Ha-ha!
I just had the best ad on my site. It was for “Penis Reduction” pills. Haha! It claimed to be very clearly labeled so you can leave it out in the open and make people wonder.
Claire- Of course I have since read said article!
moonlae- Now are you asking because you think I’ve taken them myself (which would imply I have a “you know”) or maybe I’ve known a guy that has taken them?
All can I say is: I’ve known a few guys that should consider the benefits of such drugs. But I dunno if they actually work. But commercials never lie, right?
.45- Haha, if I saw that at a guy’s house, I would definitely ask. I have no manners sometimes.
“Yeah… so how BIG are we talkin’?” Items like that BEG questioning.
Well done Jillian, I’ve missed coming here.
We had a TV add that saw a couple sitting in bed, the guy had a tray on his lap with his supper on it and they were talking about his inadequate size. Cut to sometime later and she is sidling up to him and the tray on his lap rises up and starts to teeter-totter from side to side.
We have another TV commercil currently running that has two guys standing next to each other at the keys of a grand piano, they drop their trousers, raise their hands high above their heads and proceed to play a duet of ‘chop sticks’ with their now virtuoso appendages.
You know, Jillian, I tried Viagra once but I swallowed it too slowly and ended up with a stiff neck for days. (sorry, the joke was there, someone had to deliver it)
Angry- Hahah, those commercials sound HILARIOUS!
Haha. Angry’s stiff neck thing was funny. And erm, what’s with these ads. And I’ve seen the piano ones too, erm. =\ Haha.
[...] a lone straw in a tall glass. Imagine a single french fry in a Super-Sized box. Or just imagine a tiny dick in a giant [...]
Leave a comment