The Case of the Missing Propyhlactic
**The following story is true in its ENTIRETY as told to me. Names have been changed to protect the innocent and easily embarrassed. Stuff like this will probably not be a regular feature on this blog, but I thought it was something worth sharing. I hope you enjoy (and don’t grade me too harshly on punctuation) And don’t worry, I have obtained permission to share this. Also, the content is adult in nature. You’ve been warned!**
“Ooooo yeah… I’m so close…. ahhhhh….”
I hope he’s almost done, I’m hungry… Once again Amanda would go unsatisfied, she was beginning to think these things called orgasms just did not exist. As much as people talked about them, surely she should have had one by now. Fuck, she thought, this was about as fun as stapling my eyelids shut. Her mom told her it was supposed to get better, that when two people were together for the first time sometimes the “rhythm” was… off. If her count was correct (and it should be, since one isn’t inclined to forget less-than-stellar bedroom activities), this would mark the 7th time Dave has “made it” without bringing her along. Why do I even bother? If other people are having this kind of sex, why in the world are they so happy about it?
Dave had finally finished. Thank God, any more of that rutting and I would have gotten sea sick. Amanda held back the rush of the frustration that threatened to break loose, she was growing tired of this. How much slack does one person need? Dave was more than 5 years older than her, yet he screwed no better than how she imagined a teenage boy getting his first taste would. And it wasn’t like she knew a whole lot herself.
Dave was her first…ever… for ANYTHING.
“Um, where’s the condom?”
She glanced up to see Dave standing over her with a worried look on his face, “What do you mean ‘where is the condom?’ You put one on, right?” Fantastic. If I get pregnant from this, life is definitely unfair.
“Yeah, of course I did. I just…. don’t have it.” He is serious. Why didn’t I just stick to masturbating?
Then something dawned on Amanda. If Dave put a condom on like he said, then…
It was still inside her.
Amanda forced herself to say calm.
“Dave, I think it’s still inside me. It must have come off while… you know.” Shit! Shit! Shit!
“Can’t we just reach up in there and pull it out?” It’s not the attic, you moron. And plus, I’ve never actually stuck my fingers “up in there”.
“Yeah, I’ll try.” Amanda slumped back on the bed and gingerly inserted a finger. C’mon, I know it’s in here. She carefully added a second and pushed further in.
Nothing.
“David, I don’t feel anything. Are you sure you put one on? Because I swear to God, if you didn’t…”
“I did, I promise. Look, you want me to try? Maybe I can get it out.” Oh, this is rich.
“Fine. Whatever. Lie on the floor and I’ll stand over you.”
Dave did as he was told and Amanda stood over him, both feet on either side of his shoulders. This was something new, having fingers digging around “down there”. Her sharp intake of breath surprised even her. “What the hell? Don’t just ram them in! You have to do it slowly.” Why am I surprised?
“Oh. Heh, sorry.” Ain’t that the truth… Amanda closed her eyes and felt David try once more.
“What the fuck?! How is that gentle?! Jesus! Just get up. Nevermind.” Once this ordeal was behind them, Dave was getting fired. Obviously her goodies had been wasted on him, and she owed it to herself to find someone worthy. Amanda needed someone who knew how to please her, how to touch her. She needed someone who could make her understand why sex was such a big deal, and sadly, David just wasn’t the guy. At least now I know what I DON’T want.
“OK, David. I couldn’t find it and you are just too rough. We can’t just leave the condom there, so just drive me to the ER.”
“The ER, are you sure? We could try again.” And have you rough me up even more? No thanks.
“No. It’s cool, just drive me. I don’t know what I’m doing, you don’t know what you’re doing. Let’s just let the doctors handle it.”
“Um, yeah OK. Let me get cleaned up and we’ll go.”
“Thanks.”
End Part 1
Next up: The conclusion. What else will our young couple face? Did Dave really wear a condom? Will Amanda ever reach Nirvana? Who knows? But there is more to the story!
40 Responses for "The Case of the Missing Propyhlactic"
Oh you are a mean, mean girl! Leaving me hanging like that. Great story so far… can’t wait for the rest!
So, if two fingers hurt after he had just done the nasty with her, I can probably guess why she didn’t orgasm!!!!
Cruel cruel women leaving us hanging like this, how long do we have to wait to read the conclusion to Amanda’s angst. The other half had her legs crossed and was biting her nails through the entire story, I think she feels the same way about hearing this as guys do when people mention cutting off their you know what, shiver…
Owwww… looking forward to the next installment!
Scary story, getting things lost up there. I think that in the conclusion, Dave has another go before leaving for the ER, but somehow gets sucked into another world, like a black hole (excuse the pun), and is lost forever with the condom.
Fragileheart- Trust me I wanted to put it all in one post, but it would have been too long. I have no delusions of the average Blogger’s attention-span (Lord knows mine sucks)!!
Mike- LMAO! Exactly, sir… exactly.
Carl- Unfortunately young men like Dave are real. I hope you’re doing your part to help stamp out this kind of thing.
LadyBanana- Awesome… it’s practically written!!! And thanks for reading.
Twisted Teenager- Dave should be SO lucky!
I know its you! You can give yourself permission.
Hang on it cant be you, you wouldn’t bother to change names.
Hang on again! maybe thats what you want us to think?
ell, that’s a fine how do you do, leave everyone hanging like that LOL
Jillian! How could you leave me hangin’ like that??? That’s cruel!
When is part two? I need to know!!!
I’m looking forward to the rest of the story too. I’ve never found a guy who was good at sex, even when I tried to help explain what worked and what did not.
Must…hear…the…end…condum Bermuda triangle…cruel Jillian…
Where’s the rest?! *click click click. Quick write it up!! lol… I betcha he didn’t even wear it. *sigh… maybe there’s a way to help these poor men like Dave to get their gig on.
This is a truly gruesome tale.
Claire- Me??! As if I would participate in such noobish behavior!
Frank- Hahaha… patience!
Dawn- It should be coming in soon!
Laura- Bleh, guys should be given a mandatory “how-to” class
Pit- LOL @ condom Bermuda Triangle! I’m working on it as I type this !!
Jasmine- Hahaha, Dave could quite possibly represent what all women should avoid!
Mark- Thanks for stopping by and yes, this is one of many tales of woe I am privy to.
That is brutal!
I can’t wait for the 2nd Installment………..I’m anxious about the situation just reading about it, I can’t imagine how wound up Amanda is not being able to find that f*cking condom (although that would be the least of her problems with all that sperm spilling out all over.
Pregnancy? If this is true and Amanda isn’t protected another way then yeah for sure!!
I love cliffhangers! This is so Nancy Drewish of you! So many unanswered questions. So much drama!
AAAWHHH jillian, you have to be freaking kidding me. you can’t stop the story right here, don’t be a dave, you have to finish this!!!! good reading, i’ll be coming back for more.
exciting and told by a true story teller!
Jillian you weren’t born a pro or were you? :0
This is all good for my doodle
This story can’t be for real. How old is this chick supposed to be? Why is it in the voice of a Desperate Housewives character?
Maybe the events actually happened, but are being recalled many years later.
“This is all good for my doodle :)”
Really Claire? Yikes.
Oh my! Absoultely hilarious! Haha. And yes, everyone just can’t wait for part 2.
The guy is full of shit. Watch her get pregnant 9 posts from now
That was a lot of fun. You should write porn! It pays, I would if I was this good at it.
It also reminded me of Judy Blume’s “Forever.” Did you ever read that growing up? I used to sneak reads in the junior high library but was too embarrassed to check it out.
Funny but oh too real story, lol.
I had to venture over after Damien read this to me and leave my two cents. My primary question is what the heck was she doing while this guy was supposedly putting on the condom? I mean she already said she wasn’t enjoying herself so its not like she missed it in the heat of the moment.
Did she find a condom wrapper? Did she not have to wait while he put it on? I mean even if the room was pitch black, if the sound of the tearing wrapper as well as the pause are missing then I would imagine so is the condom.
Can’t wait to hear the conclusion of this one.
regretfulmorning- Yes, a sad tale indeed.
mamaflo- LOL. Amanda believes in staying calm, more or less!
Keli- Yes, I hope to have the 2nd part published soon! I don’t want to leave you guys hanging on too long.
Natural- I didn’t want it to be too long. I try not to make entries longer than what I would want to read at someone else’s blog! But the second part is coming!
Claire- Oooo, a pro at what? I’ve never been called a pro before. Depending on context, that can be good AND bad…
.45- What’s this??? DOUBT??? Pfft. This story is as real as can be! Amanda is… legal. Old enough to vote, not quite old enough to drink. T, too, am intrigued by thoughts of a “doodle”.
subbie- Thanks! I am working on it!!!
Damien- LOL @ porn. I think this is a one time thing.
Sarah- I think Amanda was just waiting for it to be over. I think she knows Dave put the condom on but HAD to ask just in case. Also, thanks for stopping by… much appreciated!
That so totally reminds me of something.
lol
yeah, write up the second part please pretty please
I guess she’s well ready for the disillusionment of womanhood, then.
I hope they find the renegade condom. That’s almost as embarrassing as getting your braces snagged.
Where’s the conclusion???? So not fair!!
hahahaha this is great, can’t wait for the conclusion. too funny.
Don’t underestimate the depths to which I will doodle
Come on now give us the rest of the story!
Shelly- I’m working on it! Promise!
.45- LOL… disillusionment? You mean that men CAN be good at sex? How dare us women expect something like that
I’m sure Amanda has had some luck since this story took place. And I hope you are doing your part to… “please”.
Monique- Soon!!
Phats- Me neither, actually. I hope you guys like and enjoy it.
Claire- LOL. I get excited at the mention of doodles.
enough of my silence… I admit it… I cant wait anymore for the conclusion… End this miserable wait soon…
WTF?! I feel like Amanda! I want the rest!!!
Oh My God….Im dying. I feel so badly for her. Bad Sex is like a cruel and unusual punishment. Loosing the condom? YIKES… I have to know what happened
I am glad my doodles excite you, now bloody post the second part or is it still stuck in ‘Amanda’ ?
It’s usually the other way around for me. I have too high a tolerance for vanilla, and there’s too much vanilla about.
Will this be one of those choose-your-own-adventure stories? And is it wrong that I was wearing a condom when I read this story?
Solution #1: Showing her the wrapper should end her suspicions as to whether or not he used a condom.
Solution #2: This is what ice-tongs are for.
Arv- Soon! LOL. I meant to publish it sooner but I fell behind. Argh!
Random- LOL. Poor girl.
Meleah Rebeccah- Hahaha. I feel bad for these two.
Claire- Yes! yes! I am working on it!
.45- You are a very strange man.
Mr. Shife- LOL. I bet your house is… sticky.
DeadRooster- Why you gotta come and make guesses? Do you ruin the endings of movies as well?
[...] Unlike a Boy Scout who is always prepared, he had forgotten his condoms. [...]
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