Growing Up Is Hard To Do…
Dear Adulthood,
Hi. My name is Jillian. We met briefly when I turned 18, but haven’t had much contact since. I’ve heard a lot about you, and not all of it good. Some people say you suck the fun out of everything and require people to be serious all the time, but I’m sure that’s just gossip. Surely you can’t be all bad. I mean it’s because of you I got to vote and buy my first pack of cigarettes. And later, when I turned 21, I’m told it’s you that made it OK for me to finally buy alcohol. This was good because I was tired of getting people to buy booze for me. So thanks for that.
But I didn’t write this letter just to express gratitude. I want to make a few requests. First off, can you please make it OK for “one of the X-men” to be an acceptable answer when people ask, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”? I don’t understand why I get such odd looks, and I am tired of the attitude that comes with them. It’s a perfectly reasonable goal. Also, what’s with the glances I get from reading comics in public? Am I not allowed to like cartoons anymore? Is there some magical age at which the things that entertain me should change? If there is, someone neglected to send me that memo. Some people read the Wall Street Journal with their morning coffee and some people like to crack open a trade paperback and read up on Marvel’s Ultimate Universe. ‘To each his own’ I say.
Lastly, I have some concerns regarding growing old. Is there any way I can avoid the whole ‘peeing and shittin myself’ thing? To be honest, those are things I am totally willing to pass on. Pissing the bed is one thing when you’re a kid, but as an adult it’s kinda embarrassing. Even though there is a market for adult diapers, I’d just prefer to never need such a thing. I mean really… adult diapers? There’s no way that’s right.
Additionally in my golden years, if it’s not too much trouble, I’d also like to avoid uncontrollable drooling or being one of those seniors that tells the same fucking stories over and over again. If you knew how many times I had to listen to some poor bastard get caught in a story cycle about that time they did that thing, you would understand why this is something I wish to avoid.
Anyways, I think this covers pretty much all I wanted to say.
I know you maintain a pretty busy schedule, so I really appreciate you taking the time to read this.
Your youthful associate,
Jillian
24 Responses for "Growing Up Is Hard To Do…"
May I please copy that letter and send it to my adulthood? I would add that we should still be allowed to giggle uncontrollably at fart jokes anytime….
Good post!
xoxoxo
RC
Adulthood replies:
Thank you for such a nice letter, it warmed the cockles of my heart. However…
Nope, sorry, but all those bad things shall come to pass and none of the good things. Better stock up on Depends now, before it’s too late.
Oh, and them comics? Put them away. They become like porn, better left for looking at at home, okay?
I’d like to toss in a request for adulthood not to take away your knees. “The Sunscreen Song” was right — you really do miss your knees when they’re gone.
I plan to die before the whole shitting/pissing/diaper/repeating story thing.
How you ask?
I’m going to become one of the x-men.
Eventually I’ll slow down with age, get sloppy and BAM! magneto lifts a mack truck on top of me.
I somehow managed to evade adulthood for, really, far too long. It doesn’t hurt that people always guess me for 10 years younger than I am, which I have to admit, fucking rocks. The problem now is that I really had no time to ease into that shit. I wear it like fat guy in a little coat. I just want to bust the fuck out. Another problem is that all of a sudden, everyone is married with kids. While that may be fine for them, they never seem to understand that I want no part of it. They always want to send their biologically ticking time-bomb single friends my way, which is still okay, as long as they don’t give them my home address or cell number. I’ll only meet them in a public motel or bathroom stall, and then they’re on their own.
Sure…someday; but I’m pretty much waiting for the next cycle when a lot of them are now members of the 85% divorce rate, and finally understand that you can’t rush these things just because society says you’re supposed to.
hahahah you know you totally jinxed yourself for all those things regarding growing old right? You can silently hope for them but you can’t out right ask!! Oh man… I want to be one of the x-men too!!! Preferably Phenonix or Jean Grey but with more control over my powers.
Lol you were so polite to adulthood xD
Oh man, I’m screwed. I’m already pissing myself whenever I laugh too hard.
So if you could be an X-Man, who would you be?
Glad you’re back!
hahahahahahaha
People look at me funny when I say that I play video games on the computer (and on game boy, which I love). Partly because I’m a girl…and partly because I’m a “grown up.” Whatever that means!!!
Are you cheating on your blog again…with your life?
HA HA HA HA….OMG, this was a classic Jillian why we love you kind of post.
PS: Growing up…doesn’t mean Growing OLD.
If I’m not mistaken, it seems that you’re feeling the sting of how work really gets in the way of having free time. Damn work.
I am impressed you were able to keep the want list to a bare minimum. Kinda jealous actually being as my list is about 50 times longer…..
Greed will get you every time. Guess I better get used to the heat….
Jillian what is work doing to you! Quit and become a bum , so you can post again properly
I am avoiding Adulthood at all costs, but its chasing me down, help!
Like .45 , all my friends keep getting married, having kids, getting mortgages and leaving no time to play with me, they suck!
@Claire- I’ll still leave time to play w/ you. Mortgages are for chumps.
Dear Jillian:
I think you grew up just great!
Love,
Adulthood
Ok, I am so not looking forward to the peeing/shitting part! LOL!
Happy weekend.
Thanks to you guys I’m buying more comics this weekend and watching the rest of the Degrassi:The Next Generation marathon.
I am so not growing up, I REFUSE!!
Stay in your childhood please for all of your blog readers!!!
Ne
@Jillian, you mean after you have wrote a new post damn it! Grow up will you!
But then do something stoopid and embarrassing, so you have something fun to write about.
I know, go to the comic store in a chicken outfit!
@.45, Yay!
How about passing the letter on, so everybody can add their own requests?
Oh, let’s not worry about the broken-tape-recorder behavior. It’s the listener that suffers! When you are old, it’s time for revenge!
As if you were not busy enough already, you have an award waiting to be picked up!
See our July 11 post.
I’ve made most of those same requests regarding adulthood myself. Unfortunately, I don’t think Adulthood really cares how we feel about growing up and growing older. It happens whether we like it or not.
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