Wrath of the Reusable Dialogue
You guys don’t get a chance to engage me in real life conversation, so I thought I would share some phrases I frequently use. It’s not that I’m lazy when it comes to communicating, it’s just that these phrases perfectly express anything I could ever want to say. I could venture out into new territory, but what if a new phrase leaves a bad taste in my mouth? What if I deliver it wrong? What if I place the inflection on the wrong syllable? This stuff shouldn’t be taken lightly. And that’s exactly why I stick to what I know:
- “Fuck THAT shit.” - I like this one because it takes a stand, sets a boundary. It draws a line. Once you hear me utter these words, you best believe whatever it is has been effectively killed.
Time Warner: Your cable bill is due.
Me: Man, fuck THAT shit.
- “Well that’s just great.” - A reply I use often, especially after receiving bad news of a sort.
Person X: Hey, it turns out your ex WAS gay. Oh, and now you have herpes.
Me: Well that’s just great.
- “It must be nice…” - I should say right now that YES, I’m a hater. I hate on stuff all the time. This phrase allows me to bitch about something, but sound cool and snarky (AND slightly superior) while I’m doing it. It pretty much breaks the needle on the sarcasm meter.
Person X: Did you hear? Winston got a new car for his 16th birthday.
Me: Really? It must be nice to be a spoiled asshole. I mean he totally deserves it, it’s not everyday you’re rewarded for pulling down straight C’s.
- “Woooow.” - This gets busted out when I have to express disdain for something stupid or ridiculous someone has said or done. If it’s a person I think should know better, I extend the O’s (Woooooooooow).
Person X: …so I called him 13 MORE times, then drove over to his house and waited until I saw him. It’s just doesn’t make any sense, why wouldn’t he ask me out for a second date?
Me: Woooow.
Am I the only one who relies on a proven selection of sarcastic goodness?
*****
Snarky is such a fun word, more people should use it.
24 Responses for "Wrath of the Reusable Dialogue"
Fuck THAT shit is how I’m starting to feel about my ex-husband….
Hey…we communicate using the same phrases! LOL! And yes, more people should use “snarky.” Definitely a word that needs more visibility.
I’ve decided to adopt some of your sayings.
@ Lisa- This one little phrase is quite powerful. I feel liberated every time I say it.
@ Random- Someone once challenged me on that word. Imagine their face when i looked that shit up and pointed it out to them! Ha! The snark ran strong the rest of THAT evening!
@ Mimzie- Definitely. Just shoot me an email and I’ll let you know where to send the royalty checks!
I typically rely on the old faves such as,
“Are you on crack?”
Which is generally followed by “..or just a fucking dumb-ass?”
..and, niiiiice!
Which, similar to your “wow”, will get more ‘i’s the cooler the thing is.
You only update mondays and thursdays?
Woooow, fuck that shit.
Must be nice!
I think I say “fuck that shit” more than I say hello.
woooooooooooooooooow this is a great post.
I never use sarcasm, ever.
fuck That shit, I can’t be mean to you
People think I am being sarcastic all the time, so I have to issue a disclaimer before talking, usually:
‘ I am not taking the piss this time, honest’
but I probably am
but not with you!
honest!
This are more powerful than my own standbys. I’ve had to clean up the potty mouth with some verbal Toilet Duck after I caught myself cursing repeatedly in front of co-workers’ young ‘uns on Bring Your Kids to Work Day. I didn’t want them bringing the remarks home and then pointing the finger at G.
@ Damon- Oooo…. I like “niiiiice”. I think I used to use that back in the day. And LOL @ “are you on crack?”
@ Mike- I was waiting for that.
Yup Mon and Thursdays. I like schedules…. every now and then I find one that works for me.
@ .45- And you kiss people with that mouth? How sinfully dirty.
@ Claire- When you say “taking the piss” I can’t help but think you mean urinating. Ahh, I love Brit slang. I try to use it from time to time, but people look at me all weird and shit. I can’t even say “no worries” without someone giving me crap for it.
@ Grumpus- Ahh, the kiddies. Sometimes I curse in public around kids and watch the parents give me dirty looks. I don’t see what the problem is, if they’re in public school. I’m not saying anything they haven’t already heard anyway.
I don’t think the places that mouth goes would mind.
I’m a fan of suck it but fuck that shit has been worked into my vocabulary a lot more often lately. Get the fuck out of here is another timeless classic.
‘Fuck That Shit’ - You should get that copyrighted mate.
Hope you dont mind me borrowing it though… LOL…
it must be nice is about right. that’s hating language for me too. inside i’m saying words i don’t say out loud.
I am also banned from saying ‘nice’, ‘fine’ and ‘great’, people think I am a right bitch
I say taking the piss all the time, I better watch it in september when I am on your side of the pond, people will think I have a weak bladder.
I don’t really have an arsenal of prepared sarcastic comments. I find that for me, idiocy is best responded to in an improvisational method.
But then, I don’t try to be subtle in my sarcasm. Idiots don’t deserve politeness.
Well now, aren’t you special! LOL
I use this a lot, meaning that the person is somewhat retarded hee hee hee
I am a very sarcastic person and I am sure I have a multitude of phrases that get common usage. It makes life interesting
@ .45- Ewww.
@ soge shirts- I’m telling you, “fuck that shit” says so much with so little effort.
@ Arv- I’ll be expecting some royalties from you as well!
@ Natural- Hahaha. Seriously, I use that pretty much every time Jan insists on watching MTV’s “Cribs”.
@ Claire- LOL. I wonder how many funny looks you’ll get you start saying it.
@ Mrs. R.- “Idiots don’t deserve politeness.” — SO TRUE.
@Frank- Oooo, you were marked as SPAM! Are you hiding something? Also, I like “well aren’t you special?”, but I don’t use it that much. And that’s mostly because the person will answer “well yeah”. Argh!
So if I repeatedly ask people if they are taking the piss, that should get a funny reaction?
Excellent! I will do it
I wonder what else I can use to confuddle folks?
SPAM???? Well, isn’t that special! LOL
I’ve always been fond of “Fuck that noise.” It gets across the same vibe as “Fuck that shit,” while retaining a cool urban image.
I’m also quite fond of “Well…I’ll be,” for those times when you just really don’t know what to say.
I’m a huge fan of the 1st one myself
@ Claire- You know us dull-witted Americans are easy to confuse.
@ TOPolk- Ahh, that’s another thing I’m lacking: a cool urban image. I need to read up on the latest slang and start casually dropping it in conversations.
@ Regretful- Yeah, isn’t it wonderful?
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