Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics

Just the other day, I was heading into the grocery store to stock up on soda and ice cream when I was sidelined by a guy with a toothy smile asking me to sign some sort of petition. I made the mistake of saying, “Oh, I’m not registered to vote in this city yet” - yeah yeah, not the best response. As soon as the careless words tumbled from my mouth it was like he saw me in a new light. Whereas before I was just another face he was trained to throw the usual spiel at, now I had become a confirmation of his necessity… the very reason he was standing in the shade sweating profusely. It was citizens like me who drove him to get up, adorn his ill-fitting suit, and solicit participation in the Democratic process. Yes! Not only could he get me involved “in the system”, but he could grant me the right to complain over the current state of affairs. And if there’s one thing I value in the world (aside from an impressive Anime collection), it’s the right to complain.

More of this engaging monologue...

Stupid Internet Arguments and You: A Handy Guide

1. “You’re gay.”- I really like this one because whoever this is directed at can’t possibly prove otherwise. Sure, they might be straight and get “lots of play”, but the people laughing at their expense don’t care. If you’re a guy, this is especially harmful. Once someone introduces the idea you enjoy ’sausage parties’, your credibility on the subject is forfeit (even if you have 2000+ posts in the forum *cough* loser *cough*). If you’re the type who thinks quick on your feet, responding with a ‘Dad joke’ can be a saving grace.

Example:

2Cool4Skool: You’re gay!
FckngAwesme: Let’s not bring your Dad into this.

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