Jillian Approved: Humor, News and Nonsense

Even though there are quite a few hoops to jump through before starting a new job, I’ve never gotten used to peeing in a cup as part of this process.

Sure, the company I’ll be working for needs to know I’m not a crackhead, but I just wish there was a less awkward way to go about it. Whenever I’m handing the tester my cup of urine, I always feel like I should apologize or try my hand at small talk to break the mood. Maybe something like, “Don’t spill” or “It’s nice and fresh just like nature intended.” You know, anything to distract from what’s going on.

And what thoughts are swirling in the person’s mind as they accept my cup of warm liquid waste? Is this really the job they signed up for, or is it just a small part of their regular duties? Whenever they know someone is there for a drug test, do they cringe a little inside? There is no way I could keep my face impassive while I transferred someone’s piss into little tubes scheduled for send off to some lab. I actually commend the people assigned this task, because they really do make it seem like it’s the most normal thing in the world. A person rains gold in a cup, hands it to them, and they take care of the rest. Nothing odd about that at all.

More on warm uriney goodness...

I cannot tell you how much I want to kick Blogger in the nuts.

So I won’t.

Instead, I’ll move on to my post.

I went to the doctor a few days ago for a physical and a drug test. That sounds kinda nasty, huh? Like I was naughty and it finally caught up to me. The truth is, I’m starting a new job in the next couple of weeks and these kinds of things are requirements now. I can understand that though, no one wants to hire a crackhead. Except maybe me. I would pay them just enough for their next fix so they would HAVE to come back and work for the next one. Think about that, I could really be on to something.

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