Just the other day, I was heading into the grocery store to stock up on soda and ice cream when I was sidelined by a guy with a toothy smile asking me to sign some sort of petition. I made the mistake of saying, “Oh, I’m not registered to vote in this city yet” – yeah yeah, not the best response. As soon as the careless words tumbled from my mouth it was like he saw me in a new light. Whereas before I was just another face he was trained to throw the usual spiel at, now I had become a confirmation of his necessity… the very reason he was standing in the shade sweating profusely. It was citizens like me who drove him to get up, adorn his ill-fitting suit, and solicit participation in the Democratic process. Yes! Not only could he get me involved “in the system”, but he could grant me the right to complain over the current state of affairs. And if there’s one thing I value in the world (aside from an impressive Anime collection), it’s the right to complain.
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So I’m going to do something a little different today and attempt to review a book. I loved it so much, was so entertained, was so caught up in the story, I HAVE to share it with you. It is my hope that by the end of this post, you’ll be curious enough to buy it, read it, and hopefully love it as much as I do. Even if you don’t read it, at least purchase it so the author can make a few bucks and feel encouraged to write other AWESOME literature.
I don’t normally review things, so the fact I’m doing so now should definitely tell you something.
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My favorite part of any wedding is the reception. I love free flowing alcohol, delicious food, and good company. Actually, even if the company isn’t all that good the other 2 things more than make up for it. Shitty company seems less shitty after a second helping of tri-tip and 7 beers.
That’s where I was this past weekend, by the way: At a wedding. We drove up to Sacramento to see one of Jan’s brothers get hitched (”we” being me, Jan, and his parents). The drive was long (8 hours) and definitely not something I’m in a hurry to do again. I’ll spare you the details of how my legs got so cramped I contemplated sawing them off or how I suffered a horrendous attack of gas. That shit was brutal. I wound up holding in farts until we passed groupings of cows out to pasture. Once we were close enough, I would silently ease out a few torpedoes and hope the other 3 people in the car blamed the smell on “manure”. I could have gotten away with doing this the rest of the trip if I hadn’t made the mistake of letting one go as we drove past some orange trees. Apparently oranges don’t smell like dookie.
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1. “You’re gay.”- I really like this one because whoever this is directed at can’t possibly prove otherwise. Sure, they might be straight and get “lots of play”, but the people laughing at their expense don’t care. If you’re a guy, this is especially harmful. Once someone introduces the idea you enjoy ’sausage parties’, your credibility on the subject is forfeit (even if you have 2000+ posts in the forum *cough* loser *cough*). If you’re the type who thinks quick on your feet, responding with a ‘Dad joke’ can be a saving grace.
Example:
2Cool4Skool: You’re gay!
FckngAwesme: Let’s not bring your Dad into this.
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What’s this? You didn’t read the first part? Go HERE and get caught up!
*****
God, he drives slow. Amanda glanced at Dave from the passenger seat and made a face. Why hadn’t she noticed his annoying driving skills before? Just how blind had she been this past year? Fuck! I doubt he’s ever driven faster than 50mph.
“Do you ever drive faster than 50? People keep going around because you aren’t going fast enough.”
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