Jillian Approved: Humor, News and Nonsense

*Dusts off her keyboard*

I recently read somewhere that websites live and die by their update schedule. If that’s the case, then this website is something of a zombie. Officially it’s dead, but I enjoy giving it just enough juice to reanimate for a while. Clearly I have not been the least bit interested in updating this thing, but something in me demands I keep paying the monthly host fees to keep it online. Weird, huh? I am both attracted to this site and yet repelled. The attraction is easy to explain. This site is full of original pieces (except for a few guest posts). I love everything on here. This is the biggest body of written material I have, and dammit, I’m proud of it. I’m proud of the fact I can write about ‘dookie‘ and ‘sex‘ and ‘tigolebitties‘ – three things I have a load of experience in.

Wait. Is this true?

But as for what repels me though: I suspect it’s the sweet glaze of laziness coating my life. It’s a constant struggle to do ANYTHING. Everything just seems to be such a chore. Work is a chore. Cleaning up is a chore. Looking for a better job (so I can achieve even more mediocrity) is a chore. And a lot of times, writing is a chore. So I don’t know, either I’m in some kind of funk (and have been for the last 26 years) or something is genuinely wrong with me. Now I’m not quick to toss out words like “depression” or “loser”, but something is going on with me. Hopefully it’s just a case of “Toomuchawesomeitis”. If you don’t know what that is, now is the time to seriously rethink your Internet usage.

In other news, Entrecard recently closed my account with them. Apparently when you don’t update your blog in 90 days they pull the plug. I know I shouldn’t be upset, but do you know how long it took me to amass over 20,000 credits?! And just when I was planning to launch a huge comeback, too! Oh well. I’m not going back, though. I was never good at dropping credits and honestly, I don’t see how people have time for it. Is there really a need for dropping credits, Facebooking, MySpacing, and Tweeting all in the same day? Think: all this in addition to being human. No thanks. My relationship with Entrecard has ended (they dumped me), I closed my MySpace account (this of my own accord, thank you very much), and anyone “following” me on Twitter knows I almost never update. I could at least say I was behind the idea of Entrecard, but I still don’t see the point of Twitter. I know a lot of people are having success with it… even famous people are on there now. But even though I might like you, I really don’t care what the hell you’re doing at 3:21 in the afternoon. I don’t even care what my husband is doing at 3:21 in the afternoon. So… yeah.

However, I do Facebook. I find this site is a good way to keep in touch with the people that linger on the fringes of our lives. You know who I’m talking about. Facebook lets you talk to people you’re kinda sorta interested in, but not enough to actually call or hang out with. And if you’re anything like me, some of these people might include family. So I’m not giving up on social networking completely, but I am going to pick one and stick with it.

Until next time! Which, believe it or not, will be soon!

**Photo courtesy of atp_tyreseus**

So… yeah.  A whole month has gone by and I didn’t update at all. That’s typical of me actually. But you know what I do appreciate? I appreciate the people that stop by and check on me from time to time. I love that. When all hope is lost, I visit my site and look at the Blog Catalog widget to see who recently graced me with their presence. It’s all quite nice. So what I’m really trying to say is: Thanks for not completely giving up on me.

And trust me, this blog means a lot to me. It may not seem like that’s the case, but it’s true. The problem is that I fall into different slumps and it’s really really hard to get out of them.

You know how you write something and you think it’s crap, but then someone else reads it and they love it? That’s how I feel about this blog and pretty much everything I write in general. I write and write and write and edit and edit and edit… until I feel it’s less like pure shite and more like a bad smell in the room. The latter obviously being a step up. Now I love compliments and aside from the fact I have no idea how to take them – other than responding with a light twist of self-deprecation – I’m not saying all this in the hopes you issue forth kind words. I’m saying this because it’s the truth… plain and simple.

More of my mindless rambling...

Hello, all. My name is Jan, AKA The H. You know, Jill’s husband. I know the site’s been dormant and Jill’s missed a few posting deadlines, but rest assured she’s not dead, just busy. And lazy. Don’t worry, the site’s not going anywhere, and Jill will get back on schedule soon. OR ELSE NO DINNER!

Anyway, she’s been after me for awhile to do some sort of “guest post”, which is just a nice way of saying “do my work for me”. So, here goes. I’m pretty rusty at this sort of thing -I haven’t done any real blogging for about 3 years.

I was a bit conflicted on what to write, to be honest -I dig the “Approved, Disapproved” gimmick Jill’s been working, but I couldn’t decide which way to go. So, in the grand American tradition of excess, I’ll do one of each.

More from the likes of Jan...

You guys can go ahead and congratulate me, I passed my school bus driving test. I feel as good as someone who just won a free Coke from 7-Eleven. Any day now I’ll be receiving my new [commercial] Class B license and school bus certificate in the mail. Yup, I have been officially certified as someone who can safely transport young lives to and fro. The responsibility is practically crushing.

These past two weeks have been a little rough on me though.

First of all, it’s hot as fuck. Normally, I don’t mind the heat. I can function pretty well in it. But for some reason our apartment is now doubling as a sauna, and no matter how high we turn up the A/C it just doesn’t cut it. So that sucks and it also screws up my rest. I don’t know about you guys, but I take my sleepy time very seriously. I think all lazy people do.

More complaints and inane ramblings...

You guys don’t get a chance to engage me in real life conversation, so I thought I would share some phrases I frequently use. It’s not that I’m lazy when it comes to communicating, it’s just that these phrases perfectly express anything I could ever want to say. I could venture out into new territory, but what if a new phrase leaves a bad taste in my mouth? What if I deliver it wrong? What if I place the inflection on the wrong syllable? This stuff shouldn’t be taken lightly. And that’s exactly why I stick to what I know:

• “Fuck THAT shit.” – I like this one because it takes a stand, sets a boundary. It draws a line. Once you hear me utter these words, you best believe whatever it is has been effectively killed.

Time Warner: Your cable bill is due.

Me: Man, fuck THAT shit.

More servings from my dirty mouth...