Just the other day, I was heading into the grocery store to stock up on soda and ice cream when I was sidelined by a guy with a toothy smile asking me to sign some sort of petition. I made the mistake of saying, “Oh, I’m not registered to vote in this city yet” – yeah yeah, not the best response. As soon as the careless words tumbled from my mouth it was like he saw me in a new light. Whereas before I was just another face he was trained to throw the usual spiel at, now I had become a confirmation of his necessity… the very reason he was standing in the shade sweating profusely. It was citizens like me who drove him to get up, adorn his ill-fitting suit, and solicit participation in the Democratic process. Yes! Not only could he get me involved “in the system”, but he could grant me the right to complain over the current state of affairs. And if there’s one thing I value in the world (aside from an impressive Anime collection), it’s the right to complain.
More of this engaging monologue...
Even though there are quite a few hoops to jump through before starting a new job, I’ve never gotten used to peeing in a cup as part of this process.
Sure, the company I’ll be working for needs to know I’m not a crackhead, but I just wish there was a less awkward way to go about it. Whenever I’m handing the tester my cup of urine, I always feel like I should apologize or try my hand at small talk to break the mood. Maybe something like, “Don’t spill” or “It’s nice and fresh just like nature intended.” You know, anything to distract from what’s going on.
And what thoughts are swirling in the person’s mind as they accept my cup of warm liquid waste? Is this really the job they signed up for, or is it just a small part of their regular duties? Whenever they know someone is there for a drug test, do they cringe a little inside? There is no way I could keep my face impassive while I transferred someone’s piss into little tubes scheduled for send off to some lab. I actually commend the people assigned this task, because they really do make it seem like it’s the most normal thing in the world. A person rains gold in a cup, hands it to them, and they take care of the rest. Nothing odd about that at all.
More on warm uriney goodness...
I was tagged by castocreations to complete this particular meme. I’m sure since I waited so long to do it, she probably thinks I was never going to, but AH HA! I AM going to do it. I didn’t stalk her back to her blog and promise to complete it only to break my word. Now don’t get me wrong, I break my word quite often, but only when I’ve made promises to cook or clean or give blowjobs.
Now then.
One of the rules is to: Write about an incident in your life you first thought was really bad, but ended up being a blessing.
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I’ll concede the title is a bit much.
Let’s move on…
A Valentine’s Day scribbling:
We’re young.
We spend our money on Wrestling Pay-Per-Views and DVD’s. We go to movies and text friends about them. We MySpace. We lie in bed all day putting off laundry and paying bills. We don’t open mail. We quit jobs because they suck while having nothing else lined up. We watch cartoons and complain about dialogue. We talk about our childhood like it’s so far behind us. We feel old sometimes, like we know it all.
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