… or is it?
There have been some ghastly rumors going around I feel I need to address. Let this post serve as one that separates FACT from FICTION.
FICTION: JillianApproved has decided to close up shop.
This is not true. Now mind you, I could have been the one to start such a rumor… but I’m setting the record (and myself) straight. It’s not happening. Yeah yeah, I know it says I update twice a week and those of you who visit regularly know it’s a damn lie. That will change. See, I learned something: you can’t put creativity on a fucking schedule. That shit flows whenever it flows and you just need to be there to catch it. Needless to say my cup hasn’t runneth over in quite a while. So no more schedule, no more deadlines, and no more feeling bad about not updating when I said I would. From now on, it happens WHEN it happens.
Consider this the beginning of a new era. You’re welcome.
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Just the other day, I was heading into the grocery store to stock up on soda and ice cream when I was sidelined by a guy with a toothy smile asking me to sign some sort of petition. I made the mistake of saying, “Oh, I’m not registered to vote in this city yet” - yeah yeah, not the best response. As soon as the careless words tumbled from my mouth it was like he saw me in a new light. Whereas before I was just another face he was trained to throw the usual spiel at, now I had become a confirmation of his necessity… the very reason he was standing in the shade sweating profusely. It was citizens like me who drove him to get up, adorn his ill-fitting suit, and solicit participation in the Democratic process. Yes! Not only could he get me involved “in the system”, but he could grant me the right to complain over the current state of affairs. And if there’s one thing I value in the world (aside from an impressive Anime collection), it’s the right to complain.
More of this engaging monologue...
Even though there are quite a few hoops to jump through before starting a new job, I’ve never gotten used to peeing in a cup as part of this process.
Sure, the company I’ll be working for needs to know I’m not a crackhead, but I just wish there was a less awkward way to go about it. Whenever I’m handing the tester my cup of urine, I always feel like I should apologize or try my hand at small talk to break the mood. Maybe something like, “Don’t spill” or “It’s nice and fresh just like nature intended.” You know, anything to distract from what’s going on.
And what thoughts are swirling in the person’s mind as they accept my cup of warm liquid waste? Is this really the job they signed up for, or is it just a small part of their regular duties? Whenever they know someone is there for a drug test, do they cringe a little inside? There is no way I could keep my face impassive while I transferred someone’s piss into little tubes scheduled for send off to some lab. I actually commend the people assigned this task, because they really do make it seem like it’s the most normal thing in the world. A person rains gold in a cup, hands it to them, and they take care of the rest. Nothing odd about that at all.
More on warm uriney goodness...
So I’m going to do something a little different today and attempt to review a book. I loved it so much, was so entertained, was so caught up in the story, I HAVE to share it with you. It is my hope that by the end of this post, you’ll be curious enough to buy it, read it, and hopefully love it as much as I do. Even if you don’t read it, at least purchase it so the author can make a few bucks and feel encouraged to write other AWESOME literature.
I don’t normally review things, so the fact I’m doing so now should definitely tell you something.
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You guys can go ahead and congratulate me, I passed my school bus driving test. I feel as good as someone who just won a free Coke from 7-Eleven. Any day now I’ll be receiving my new [commercial] Class B license and school bus certificate in the mail. Yup, I have been officially certified as someone who can safely transport young lives to and fro. The responsibility is practically crushing.
These past two weeks have been a little rough on me though.
First of all, it’s hot as fuck. Normally, I don’t mind the heat. I can function pretty well in it. But for some reason our apartment is now doubling as a sauna, and no matter how high we turn up the A/C it just doesn’t cut it. So that sucks and it also screws up my rest. I don’t know about you guys, but I take my sleepy time very seriously. I think all lazy people do.
More complaints and inane ramblings...
